Good Intentions

Ch45: Troubs

Short but cute... thanks to my girl Heather for brainstorming with me and letting me use your idea 💡.

I'm struggling with what I have planned for this sleepover. Which is the reason for the delay. I like things to feel organic and real so I am taking my time with it. I want to get it right, being it is so important for their steps forward.

Hope you enjoy ;)

Sang POV

As the boys left the family room, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Gabriel had been right. I did feel better having talked about everything. But at the same time, I still felt like a different girl then I did a few days ago. Everything was different now, and I could feel it in the air like a tangible thing. The strings that had held us all together were unraveling. The little confidence I had managed to build in our friendships, seemed just outside of my reach. It was an odd sensation.

I could feel them all here. I knew that they weren't leaving. They probably wouldn't even leave if I asked them to, despite what they said. But the comfort I normally felt from their presence wasn't the same. Frowning, I tried to figure out what it was that I was truly feeling.

"Peanut?" His voice was soft and I could hear the concern. Opening my eyes, I saw that he was still by my chair. Hadn't he gotten up with everyone else? His warm blue eyes traveled all over my face, before returning to mine. His lips were set in a worried frown, and his eyes were narrowed as if he tried hard enough he could see straight through me. "What's wrong?"

Biting the inside of my cheek, I thought about his question. It seemed a silly question, given everything, but I knew what he was really asking.

"I..I just feel different." I answered quietly. I was so unsure of myself, I didn't know how to make him understand. His eyes softened around the corners and he sighed, nodding his head in understanding. Did he understand? How could he?

"You have learned a lot of new information about yourself," he swallowed his eyes darting down, before returning to mine, "and about us. It make sense that you would feel... that things would feel different." He paused, searching my eyes for something. I'm not sure what. After a few moments he seemed to make a decision. "Peanut, are we going to be okay? Are we going to be able to fix this?" The fear in his voice squeezed my heart.

"I think so." I said honestly. His eyes held mine, forbidding me from looking away from him.

"But?"

Didn't he understand I didn't know? "It feels like..." I searched my brain for how I was feeling in this moment. Trying to come up with another time I felt this way, so that I could try to explain it. Kota going downstairs to get us hot chocolate on that very first night flashed through my mind. Then the boys driving away after they dropped me off from the mall trip. Then over hearing Nathan call me a stray dog and the confrontation with Kota later that night. The insecurities I felt in those moments standing out more then the memories themselves. Blinking a few times to try and clear my mind and just feel, I realized what this was.

"It feels like we are starting over. Meeting you all, becoming your friend...it was a huge leap of faith for me. Trusting you all. But..." I scrunched my nose in thought. Had it been about trusting them? Or had it been about escaping my 'mother'. I had never really trusted them completely had I? I trusted them enough not to physically hurt me. But I never trusted that they would stay. Or that they were telling me everything. "But it was never really about you." I whispered, shocked by what I was realizing about myself.

"What do you mean, Peanut?" Confusion swirled in his eyes and the lines of his face.

"I mean, I was running away. I was trying to escape my life. I wasn't putting my faith in you guys." Nathan flinched, making me realize how bad that probably sounded. "No, I mean...I wanted so badly for my mother to be wrong. I didn't want to believe her anymore, and I wanted to find out for myself. And in a way, I did exactly that. But...I...I don't know how to make you understand." I huffed. He stayed silent, his brows furrowed, waiting patiently for me to work it out.