Good Intentions

Ch41: A (notso)Sorry Luke

Unedited----sorry I'm lazy. 

This is a little angry... but by the end of this meeting...this burst of updates... things as a whole will settle. So relax.

Comment please<3

Sang POV

Soft muttering caught my attention a few feet away from me. Bright green eyes, shadowed with worry and guilt were watching me through long dark lashes. His face was ashen and swollen with tears he was desperate not to shed. And his lips were moving, whispering a mile a minute. I'm not even sure if he knew he was doing it. Whatever it was?

"Kota?" I asked carefully. 

He blinked slowly a few times, before his lips finally slowed. He didn't answer me, or make any moves to indicate he heard me, but I knew I had his attention. Scooting forward a little to get more comfortable, I felt Meanie's hands tighten around my waist. I also felt the drag of him under me, but I couldn't think about that right now. I didn't want to think about. I would die of embarrassment about that later. 

"Kota, what are you saying?" I tried again. He blushed softly, looked down quickly and then returned his eyes to mine. 

"I was just counting Sang. I... I count when I am overwhelmed." His voice was quiet. Nothing like his normal confident tone. His eyes were searching mine, trying to dig into my head and pull out the answers to all the questions he wanted to ask. I simply nodded, knowing that talking about his coping mechanisms wasn't what we needed to do right now. "Are you angry?" He whispered. 

I blinked. Was I angry? Was that a serious question? Of course I was angry. My face must of told him exactly what I was thinking, because he gulped hard and kept speaking. 

"Of course. Of course you are angry. It's just...your not yelling at us. I mean, you are sitting in Gabe's lap right now. You just... you just held North while he cried." North grunted angrily from the wall, clearly not appreciating his shout out. I just continued to stare at him in confusion. Was he really surprised that I would comfort my friends? I looked over to Sean, hoping he would understand what I was struggling with. I didn't understand. 

Sean's eyes were waiting, and his face held a gentle smile. He looked just as rumpled and distressed as the others, but he also looked lighter. It was as if, now that everything was out in the open, he was finally breathing easy. And then I realized that I was breathing a little easier too. Keeping secrets, holding onto things, it was hard. It weighed on you, even when you didn't realize it. How do I explain Sean?

Just say what you are thinking, Pumpkin. 

Swallowing, I looked back to Kota. Could I do that? After everything, after all of this, could I just say how I was feeling? I wasn't sure. Until I heard Luke whimper, and felt my heart clench. Kota and I looked to Luke at the same time. He had pulled his knees into his chest, and had his forehead resting on his knees. Before I could even think, my hand was reaching out and my fingers were running through his hair. At my touch he stiffened, but then instantly relaxed. So much so that his entire body leaned toward my hand, causing him to fall into my lap. Gabriel let out a pained grunt, absorbing the extra weight. 

"Please Sang. Please don't leave us. I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you everything from the very beginning. I never wanted to hide anything from you. You were just so sad. So scared and hurt. They thought... Sang I didn't mean to.."

"Shhhh. Luke. Shh. It's okay." My heart was breaking for him. For all of them really, but specifically for him. Of all of them, he was the softest. He was the gentle heart. Many would say it was Gabriel, and in a way, Gabriel was soft too. But not like Luke. Luke gave all of himself. Everything he had. He couldn't even help it. Continuing to brush his hair with my fingers I thought about exactly what to say. I scanned the room, and realized that everyone was watching me. But unlike usual, they weren't watching my face. They were watching my hand, with the oddest expressions on their faces. Awe? Wonder? Longing? I didn't know. They were all very weird. Taking a deep breath, I decided to just let go and hope for the best.