Good Intentions

Ch22: Listening

** The banner pic has no real significance... I just though it fit, and was kinda funny**

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Kota Pov

I tried to catch her eyes the entire ride to school, but she refused to look up from her phone. She wouldn't even look at Nathan as he tried to talk to her. She would answer him if he asked her a question, and she even giggled a few times at something he said, but otherwise, nothing.

I was still shaking from the conversation we had before we got in the car. We had been doing so well, I thought that we were finally going to be okay, but then I had to go and ruin it. Again. It seems that no matter what I do these days, it's wrong. Maybe everything Sean and Victor has been saying is right. But I couldn't see it, until it was too late. It was instinct to try and hide why Nathan had hit me. I didn't even think about the fact that I was lying to her, I just reacted. Of course I didn't want her to know what all the guys thought I was going to say, even though it wasn't exactly the truth.

There is no circumstance that I would call Sang, or any girl for that matter, a whore. I didn't believe in shaming people for their choices, whether I agreed with them or not. I did however, believe in preventing people from being victimized, which is what I was trying to say. The way they were all talking about being with Sang, it wasn't something I was ready to process at the time, and I wasn't hearing them out. I was seeing it as a dirty thing. Not that sexuality is dirty, but just the thought of sharing anyone, let alone someone as innocent as Sang, well it doesn't sit right.

It isn't something you hear about in a positive light. In our line of work, we have seen terrible things, most of which are done to women. And despite the fact that it was my brothers, guys I have known and trusted the majority of my life, I couldn't wipe away the images of Sang being 'shared'. The thought alone sent a shiver down my spine. I could barely stand the disrespect she faced from the male population at Ashley Waters, let alone thinking of anything like that happening to her. Logically, I knew better once I had time to really think. My brothers would never treat anyone like that, let alone Sang. But still, a relationship like that couldn't possibly work, the jealousy alone would break it. And why would she ever even want that?

I knew poly relationships were a thing, especially if a member in the relationship was bisexual. I understood that it could work, but those relationships were usually three or four people. Not ten. It just wasn't possible. Ten people in a relationship. Nine men, and one woman. That wasn't possible. There is no way that one woman could keep up with that emotionally or sexually. Relationships took work. Lovers needed attention and quality time and to feel important. It was one thing for us to share her as friends, because the needs and expectations weren't the same. And we could barely handle that sometimes. We were always squabbling for time with her, trying to steal private moments and attention. It would be so much worse if the friendship turned romantic.

***

He gulped. In the very back of his mind he knew he was lying to himself about at least one thing. He had been unintentionally blind before, but now, it was straight up denial. He would have to admit it to himself soon, if he wanted to stay with his family. With his Sang. He tried, once again to get her too look up at him. God she was beautiful. Since that very first night, he had thought she was the most beautiful girl he had every seen. He had never wanted just friendship. The question was, when would he finally admit it?

***

I pulled into the parking spot, and was about to turn the car off. I wanted to try and talk to Sang before we had to go in, but she was up and out of the car before I even shifted into park. The sound of her door closing resonated through my whole body, as I watched her walk into the building.