Good Intentions

Ch35: It's Time

I need comments people! 

Sang Pov

Tired. I was so incredibly tired. When was the last night I actually got a decent amount of sleep? I couldn't remember. Mind whirling, I tried to process what had just happened. One minute I was coming clean to Erica, and the next I was somewhere else completely. She was there, screaming at me. Reminding me how worthless I am. How I would only be good for one thing. The flash had come on so quickly, and I was just lost. She had warned me over an over that the world wasn't safe, and that men were disgusting creatures. That they would lie and manipulate and use. I knew that wasn't true. Not really. At least, not completely. But over the last week or so, so much had happened that it was hard not wonder if she was more right about the world then I ever wanted to admit to myself.

But no, I couldn't let her poison sink in like that. I had to stop hearing her nasty words in my mind every time something wasn't perfect. The world had some evil in it, that was true. People like McCoy and Jade. Maybe even Mr. Hendricks. It even had those men she was talking about. Greg was probably one of them, maybe even Rocky. But it wasn't all bad. It couldn't be. There were good people out there, like the boys. But they just keep lying. They... I shut the thoughts down quickly, before they could go any further. No. I would not do this to myself right now. They were good people. They were my friends. They cared about me. They had made a lot of mistakes, but they had their reasons and we would work them out. Right? We would talk when I was ready and they would explain, and everything would be okay. It had to be. Didn't it? 

They just want to control you Sang. Use you. No! Squeezing my eyes shut, I starting breathing heavy. Why was this happening? Why couldn't I keep her out of my mind. 

"Peanut?" 

Taking in a deep breath, I opened my eyes slowly, looking into his worried face. We were sitting at the kitchen table. He was across the table to my left, Gabe was straight across from me, and Sean was to my right. Decan had pulled up a chair directly next to me, as close as he could get without putting me in his lap. The boys hadn't expected him to do that when they all rushed to take their seats around the table after me, making sure he couldn't sit. He had just huffed, left the room, and came back with a chair that he plopped right next to me. Sean and Gabriel had scowled but remained quiet. Nathan just shook his head. 

Nathan's eyes were turbulent with worry, begging me to talk to him, but I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to say to any of them. There was just so much. Did I talk to them about the rules they made? About the plan, or lack there of? Did I bring up the meeting I had with Phil and Lily? Or did we talk about one of my break downs today? Did I really care to talk about any of it? Was I ready to? Before I could decide for myself, Gabriel cut in. 

"Trouble, what the fuck was that back there?" 

"Gabe." Sean said, with clear warning in his tone. Gabriel made a rude noise in response and slammed his hands on the table, making me jump slightly. Decan's hand found mine and squeezed. 

"No, I'm sorry Doc, but fuck that. You have been telling us to hold tight and follow your lead for days, and where has it got us? Fucking nowhere. That's where. She is barely even speaking to half of us, she has a whole new group of friends that just popped out of fucking nowhere, and we are all losing our goddamn shit! So no! I want to know what the fuck is going on!"

My eyes were wide in disbelief. I had never seen any of the boys yell at Sean or Owen like Gabriel just had. The tension between them was tangible as they stared each other down. It looked like they were silently communicating, but not the way they usually did. They seemed disconnected, as if they weren't understanding each other. After a moment, Sean relented with a heavy sigh.