In Another Lifetime

A Blessing in Disguise

That had been 9 months ago, and BTS has been bringing a smile to my face every day since then.

~♡~

Jason and I had eaten dinner quietly, as we did every evening. I'd cleaned up the kitchen, putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and the leftovers in a container, putting them away in the fridge. I wiped off the countertops and the table, pushing Jason's chair in because he never did it himself.

I finished up in the kitchen, turning the lights off and noticing as I walked thru the living room that Jason had dozed off on the couch like he usually did after eating dinner. I went upstairs and right to my room, closing the door quietly behind me. This was my happy place. I had decorated it with things that made me smile. I had a photo of each of my kids on the desk. I had purple fairy lights strung across the ceiling, giving the room a purple glow when the lights were off.

I had shelves filled with anything and everything I could find related to BTS. I had bought albums whenever I was able to afford them. I didn't have them all yet, I had been trying to get at least one each month. I had BT21 characters. I had posters hanging on the walls from the albums I'd been able to get. I think my favorite thing was a nice sized tapestry with Taehyungs gorgeous face staring at me that Sadie had gotten me for my birthday. I also had an allowance that I gave to myself each week and it was mostly used for BTS, but sometimes I had to let it add up for two or three weeks before I could get what I wanted.

It had been determined by Sadie that V was my bias. Considering the fact that I could sit and stare at him all day and his voice made my insides melt, I was inclined to agree with her. I loved them all dearly, but V, that man made me wish on a daily basis that I had been born in a different time and place.

I had been a bit apprehensive at first, thinking I was too old to be feeling the way I did about this group of young men. But I couldn't stop it from happening. Sadie told me not to fight it. She made me feel better when she told me that BTS had fans from all over the world of all ages, all genders.

It wasn't the listening to the music that worried me, I didn't feel like there was anything wrong with that. No. I blasted their music in my car, I played it thru my earbuds when I went for a walk, and when Jason wasn't around, I played it in the house.

What worried me was the fact that I was 51, and I knew without a doubt in my mind that if the gorgeous, talented, 23 year old Kim Taehyung asked me to leave my husband for him, I wouldn't hesitate for a millisecond. Of course, I also knew that would never happen. But it was the point of it.

I was too old to be having romantic feelings for a 23 year old. I was sure he would be nothing less than creeped out at the idea, and I laughed at myself whenever these thoughts crept into my head. But honestly, no matter how old I got, I was still a woman. I still had needs. And I was still capable of appreciating how breathtakingly gorgeous the man was. 

It was fine though. On a normal night, like tonight, Jason would fall asleep on the couch, and then he would wake up around 10, and come up to bed, going back to sleep almost immediately. He was always snoring seconds after I heard him come up.

I would usually stay in my happy room till 11 or so, before going in to bed, and there was plenty of room on our king size bed that we stayed well away from each other. It seemed we had both lost interest in the other. We were just tolerating each other at this point, because we had somehow grown apart.

I looked up at my wall, my eyes settling on V and I wished again that I had been born in a place and time that would have allowed me to know him, maybe be his friend, or even his girlfriend. I knew it was a ridiculous thought.