In Another Lifetime

Focus on me

I slumped in my spot, really not wanting to talk about it. It would only upset me more. I just wanted to go to sleep, and try not to think about it. But I looked at him, and I realized that he wasn't kidding. He wouldn't leave until I told him what was wrong. I wanted to be grateful, I knew I should be. Because he cared. Because he wanted to know. Because he wouldn't leave me here alone, being as upset as I was.

~♡~

The thing was...telling him what was bothering me, I feared, would lead to him being upset as well.

"Tae..." I whispered, "I am so grateful that you are trying to help me. But there's nothing you can do, nothing you can say that will make this better."

His expression softened, his lips curving down slightly, and he reached for my hands, his warm as they wrapped around mine.

"Even if I can't make it better, I still want to be here for you. If I can't make you smile, then I'll hold you while you cry. If I can't make you happy, then I'll be sad with you, so you aren't sad alone."

I closed my eyes, swallowing hard, and I felt him gently squeeze my hands.

How could he be making it better, but making it so much worse, at the same time? My shoulders started to shake softly, and I tried not to cry, I really did. But it was no use.

He pulled me into his arms, and I went willingly, my tears wetting his shirt once again.

I cried for what seemed like a long time, but turned out to be just a few minutes. I pulled away from him, deciding that telling him was probably the best thing to do. At least then, if this happened again, he would understand.

He took my hands in his again, watching me intently as I tried to gather my thoughts. I finally looked at him, and took a breath, ready to speak.

"Every day that passes, it brings me one day closer to the end of my time here, with you. I know it's going to happen. I know that I can't stay, no matter how badly I want to."

He glanced away for a quick second, something flashing in his eyes, before they met mine again.

"I don't wanna go back. I don't want to be stuck in the life I had. I think, even if I knew that once this was all over, life as I knew it would change for the better, I still wouldn't want to go back."

He was looking at me, giving me a smile, but his eyes were sad, and if he was trying to hide it, he was failing.

"The days seem to be going by faster and faster, and I hate it. All I want to do is stop time, freeze it, keep things the way they are right now. I want to stay with you. Maybe that makes me a terrible person, but I can't help it."

A few tears rolled down my cheek, and he reached up and caught them with his thumb.

"You're not a terrible person, Delaney."

"How could I not be. I'm willing to just leave everything I know behind to stay here with you. What kind of mother would hope for something that meant her children would have never existed?"

"Maybe a mother who feels unappreciated, even though I'm sure you're not. You're kids are young, and right now, they are just busy with their own lives. Soon enough, they'll realize how much they miss you, and they'll start coming around more, and calling more. You'll see."

I knew it was bad that I actually hoped he was wrong. It made me feel even worse to think that he could be right, because I still didn't want to go back.

"I feel horrible. I feel so bad because I just want to forget about everything related to my old life. I don't want to think about it. I just want to be here, with you."