In Another Lifetime

Missing him

 The rational side of me was elated, knowing that he had been able to let me go, and accept that we could never be. But I think I wanted him to miss me as much as I missed him, and even though he'd said he missed me, he wasn't aching for me, not like I had for him not very long ago.

~♡~

Who was I kidding? I still ached for him.

I felt terrible for feeling the way I did. I should be nothing but happy that he was doing well. That he wasn't letting the pain of losing me consume him. I'd wished so many times in my last days there that he would find the strength to let me go, and it seems he had.

Another wish granted? Maybe.

So many thoughts raced thru my mind, and I felt dizzy as I tried to distinguish one from the next. I closed my eyes, wiping the tears from my face, and opened them seconds later, only for them to land on a paragraph on the sheet of paper still in my hand.

í wαnt чσu tσ knσw thαt í'm dσíng σkαч. í míѕѕ чσu, ѕσ ѕσ much. í wíѕh thαt чσur wíѕh cσuld hαvє lαѕtєd fσrєvєr, вєcαuѕє í cσuld hαvє ѕpєnt fσrєvєr wíth чσu. вut í hαvє rєαlízєd thαt wє wєrє вσrn wσrldѕ αpαrt, αnd thαt wє αrєn't mєαnt tσ вє tσgєthєr ín thíѕ lífє, nσt αѕ wє wєrє.

He was right. We weren't meant to be together in this life. As much as it hurt to accept that, I knew it was true. It was the sentence before that one that made my heart literally ache in my chest.

í wíѕh thαt чσur wíѕh cσuld hαvє lαѕtєd fσrєvєr, вєcαuѕє í cσuld hαvє ѕpєnt fσrєvєr wíth чσu.

Oh how I wish our lives could have started in the same time and place, so that we could have spent forever together. The knowledge that he felt that way both hurt, and comforted me.

I looked up at the sound of the bathroom door opening, and gave Sadie a sad smile as she poked her head out.

"Is it okay to come out, or do you need more time?"

"You can come out, Sadie. I'm just trying to make some sense out of everything I'm feeling, but I honestly don't even know if it's possible. I don't think it'll ever make sense."

She stepped into the room, her hair still wrapped in a towel, a bathrobe tied around her body.

"Was the letter what you expected? I mean- you don't have to tell me. I was just curious."

"It's okay, I don't mind. I don't know what I expected, but I don't think I expected what he wrote. If you were to ask me why, I couldn't answer. It was sweet, and beautiful, and it made me cry. Parts of it made me happy, and other parts made me sad."

I looked up at her, and offered her the sheet of paper.

"You're welcome to read it. In fact, I'd like you to. You're closer to his age, maybe you can...tell me if I'm missing anything."

"Are you sure? I'm sure it's personal, maybe I shouldn't."

"It's fine. Really."

She slowly lifted her hand, taking the paper from me and sitting in the chair opposite the bed.

I watched her face as she read, and saw the smile come and go. Just as she finished reading and lifted her face to mine, a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Oh Laney..." she got up and came to me, immediately hugging me. I let the sadness I was trying so hard to push away seep into me, and I cried on her shoulder, my body shaking, the reality of what I'd had, but would never have again, sinking in.