In Another Lifetime

Would I?

I stopped and grabbed a few bottles of water from the fridge, and a few granola bars before going back upstairs, and then I closed myself in my room, planning to only come out when it was necessary.

~♡~

TAEHYUNGS POV

We had a rare weekend off, thank goodness. I would have been useless at work today. Namjoon may have had something to do with it, but  honestly I didn't know, and I didn't care.  I planned to do nothing, except lay in my bed, and be sad.

I was doing a little better than I thought I would be. I think it has something to do with the fact that I know she is still living and breathing, somewhere. She didn't die. Part of me felt like there was still a chance to see her again. It was probably a very small chance, but any chance was better than no chance.

I sat up, and wondered what I would do if I ever did see her. Would I know it was her? She would be 51, possibly older, if it took awhile before it happened. Could I be her friend? Obviously I wouldn't have a choice. But if that were the case, I wasn't sure I could. I already didn't want to think about her with her husband.

I ran my hand thru my hair, pushing it back out of my face, puffing up my cheeks full of air, before I let it out in exasperation.

I missed her. I missed so many things about her. Her smile, her voice, her gentleness. I missed her laugh. I loved her laugh. It reminded me of wind chimes. It was beautiful.

I missed so many other things too. Her lips on mine, how sweet they tasted. Her eyes, full of fire when she looked at me. Her touch, the softness of her hands on my skin. Her body, how it fit against mine perfectly. Those were the things I would miss the most, because those were the things I knew I would never have again.

But what if I could? Would I? What if she didn't stay with her husband? Would my feelings for her be different? Would things change because she was no longer in her 20 year old body? She would still be the same person, with the same thoughts, the same personality, the same sweet way about her.

It would go against everything I knew, everything I'd been taught. It would be a promise broken, a promise I'd made to my sweet, beautiful, loving grandmother. But I may have broken that promise anyway, had there been a way for her to stay.

I promised my grandmother that I would marry a nice Korean girl, someone who would love me, and cherish me, a girl who would be my partner, and take care of me as well as I took care of her. She wasn't Korean, but that was the only thing on my grandmothers list that she didn't fulfill.

It would never be okay for me to be with someone old enough to be my mother anyway. I was aware of the fact that those kind of things happened in other countries, her country. But it didn't happen here.

It wasn't something that I ever expected to happen. It was just a question I had to ask myself. If it were possible, If she came back, and were able to be with me...Would I?

I tried to imagine how she would look at 51. I saw her just as beautiful, only older, more mature. Could I see myself with her? Honestly, I could. Just because such a thing was highly looked down upon in Korea, didn't mean I necessarily agreed with it.

Of course, I grew up being taught the customs of Korea, so they were instilled in me. But even so, when it came to love, I may be a bit different than others. I didn't necessarily believe that I would only love someone who is Korean. I don't think love cares where you come from. It doesn't care what your nationality is, or your gender. It doesn't care if your tall or short, fat or thin, wealthy or poor. It doesn't even care how old you are. Love just happens.