In Another Lifetime

Smile

Namjoon shrugged. "I don't know, I guess maybe when her name disappeared, some of the other letters disappeared with it."

~♡~

I shrugged, handing the paper back to him.

"You keep it," he said, "maybe something will come to you."

I took a deep breath, folding the small piece of paper in half and setting it on my nightstand.

"I need to know what she's doing, and if she's okay."

Jin came and sat next to me, his hand rubbing my shoulder.

"I'm sure at the moment she's asleep, or getting ready to be, considering it's..." He glanced at the clock he'd picked up and placed back on my nightstand, "well, depending on which time zone she lives in, it could be as late as 10:35pm, or as early as 7:35pm, if she's on the west coast. But I'm sure she's fine Tae."

I shook my head.

"What if she's not? What if she's crying? What if her husband is being a jerk?"

I dropped my face into my hands groaning, distraught over having no way to know what was going on with her, or if she was struggling.

"I know it sucks Tae, I wish there was something we could do to help you."

I looked up at Hobi, grateful that they were all there. I didn't want to be a jerk to them, and I hoped I wouldn't.

"Kookie, Jimin, Hyungs..." I looked at each of them, "I hope I don't do anything to make any of you think I don't appreciate you. But if I do, know that I don't mean it."

I took another deep breath.

"Thank you for being here for me. I'm trying to keep it together, but I don't know if  I can keep doing it."

I thought of her, her face so clear in my mind, and it drove me crazy that I couldn't remember her name.

"I miss her so much."

A single tear rolled down my cheek, and I closed my eyes, suddenly wishing they would all just leave, so I could lie down and cry into my pillow. But they were trying to be here for me, be my strength. The other side of the bed dipped as Yoongi sat down next to me.

"She is going to be able to see you, if she chooses to. We have music shows coming up that will be able to be live streamed in the US. She can also search social media, and see what you're posting. You don't want her to see you sad, because I'm sure that'll make her sad. Try to smile, for her, because if she is going thru a rough time, I think your smile will make it better."

"Yoongi is right. Since you can't do anything directly for her, do it the only way you can. Remember that she is most likely watching you anytime she can. Be happy, even if it's only for her, Tae-ah. Didn't she say that your smile made her happy?"

I drew in a shaky breath. I knew what they were trying to do. But they were right. I didn't want to give her another reason to be unhappy. I wanted to be the reason for her smile. I wouldn't be able to make her smile if I was sad.

"Thanks. It helps to think of things that way. I don't want her to be sad, and if me being okay, and smiling, makes her happy, then I need to try to do that."

They all gave me a smile, and I smiled back, feeling a bit better. But only a bit.

"I love you guys for being here for me, but could you all just...give me some space right now. I just need to be alone for a while."

"Sure Tae, just let us know if you need anything, okay." Jin said, giving my shoulder a squeeze and getting up from the bed.

Yoongi ruffled my hair. "You're gonna be okay, kid. You're stronger than any of us. You'll get thru this."