X aka Jahseh is watching over us always, he's our guardian angel/lil demon now. i'm writing this because it's like a special story for his birthday <3
may be upsetting
it's 10 months already.. 10 months ago on this date we lost a perfectly amazing/beautiful person
I hate seeing the date 18.. it's almost a year since we lost him :'( <\3 I'm not looking forward for June 18 at all.. June 18 forever in my heart :'( <\3 I feel so much for him/about what happened but can't always put it into words.. I'm sad I'm hurt I'm mad.. I just know the pain in my heart won't end.. whenever I think of him being gone and when I think about what happened to a caring/loving beautiful person! it fucks me up.. I'm heartbroken that he's no longer here but I know he's here and with his family spiritually.. I know you'd probably say to be positive about the situation and I am.. I know you've watching over us, I know you listen to us when we talk to you, I know you're only sipping tea in a different hood, it just breaks my heart whenever I think you're actually gone and I won't get to hug and tell you how much you comfort me still to this day! It's almost a year since i found out about you and started loving your beautiful music and you, you comfort me so much if it's through your songs or your positive videos or you visiting me in my dreams, I may cry when I listen to your deep songs but they do help and comfort me so much, I cry bc of how hurt you were and I can feel it in your voice and bc I can relate that makes me feel comforted too when I cry or get sad when I listen to your songs it just makes me feel comforted bc of how much pain there is in your songs and how much I can relate, I feel like you're talking/singing to us from heaven bc of some of the things you say plus a few songs backwards says "I'm sleeping" or "I'm still alive" like that's fucking crazy! Some would call me weird to listen to songs backwards but it's comforting! I be in my room at 3am listening to your songs backwards, it's not that creepy lol, so yeah that also makes me feel okay bc it feels as if you're giving us messages from the other side <3 but like I actually want the pain bc it makes me feel closer to you.. i understand what you meant about Jocelyn.. but I cry mostly bc you're gone damn I could be listening to sipping tea in yo hood or something and start to feel sad and hurt when I think you're actually gone and I wont get to hug you or tell you how much I love you and that you were never alone.. I know I will get to meet you one day and I know you're not truly gone nobody is truly gone when they pass away, no matter how many mothes or years go by you're forever in my heart and you will never be truly gone, you've actually turned a dumb ass girl that flipped out at hate or something I don't like and was mean to everyone into a deep ass thinker that handles hate etc in a different manner like you said to, its just hard to change into a better person bc I always be thinking about the pest and thinking how dumb I am most of it is negative but I might just not be trying hard enough.. "it's the memories that hold you back to the person you were" :( it's true.. I just know I want to change, thankyou for helping me and making me come to terms with some shit in the past and letting me know it's okay to speak out.. nobody has any idea how much your songs mean to me and helps and comforts me, I'm glad there's somebody like you that I can relate to.. i know I'm not alone, i love you X <3
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