guardian angel

message board

just looking through my message board

"I had a dream that I was walking somewhere and I seen a news paper on the floor with a picture of X on it so I picked it up and I read what we seen in the car it was fake blood (I know there was no blood) he was putting fake blood on himself the day before be passed.. I cried as soon as I started reading so I walked back home with it in my hands as i was walking home I was reading something about his resting place but there was two.. the one looked different, it was blue.. then I read about his eyes being open when there was pictures or something "you can see it in his eyes that at that time he wasn't afraid to die" bc when I read it I was like his eyes are shut tho?.. then I went to his resting place with someone but I felt odd there.. like yk how you feel when you listen to his backwards songs? I felt like that.. nervous but safe.. do y'all think it means anything bc i went for a walk and cut myself the other day? I was careful when I went for a walk tho.. I didn't go fair I didn't go around stupid corners like I used to when I was in a bad mood going out I was always like nothing could happen to me, I know anything could happen at anytime close or fair but I was careful compared to how I used to be, X and the song train food made me realize how lucky I am to still be here after all the dumb shit I've done like going out getting pissed, it was in my head.. and like X said there's hope for the rest of us so why become more horrible and waste it? When we can get better and do good.. we're luckly we are still here, I should really listen to this I need to become better, I just hate myself I hate how I am it's like I'm meant to be this way.. but even X said we're not supposed to be alone and start hating ourselves we're supposed to see things in ourselves and change it.. that always hits deep.." <3