guardian angel

X has helped me

Idk why but I just thought of what my mum stupidly said a while ago "you say you wanna die bc X wanted to" like what the fuck??

I said how stupid that was and of course not, X no longer wanted to die in the end, he worked hard on battling his mind then his life was taken from him in a minute.. It hits me deeply but there's hope for the rest of us.. To try to make this world better, to help others, to live for X

I don't want to die bc X used to feel that way, how on earth would that make sense?

Do she say not remember all the dumb ass things I've done? Took pills trying to kill myself, I was 13

Cut trying to kill myself but it wasn't at all deep enough that was when I was obsessed with impractical jokers too, did they say about killing themselves? No they didn't

X has helped me, his music helps, sure it makes me cry sometimes, there's certain songs that make me hurt and cry but that's bc I can relate so much and bc of how much pain and anger you can hear in his voice and that's also comforting, to have somebody you love so much and look up to, relate to you, write songs that you can relate to on another level, His inspiring videos is what keeps me going, trying to become a better me, handing stuff in a different (better) manner, when it comes to hate, people being mean to other fans etc, not giving up on trying to become famous etc etc, so many things this man helps me with, I even created a positive notebook that I had just wrote in bc I woke up feeling odd but now I feel a lil better, its like a relief when I write down what's on my mind, I wish I had listened sooner maybe then I wouldn't have flipped out so much but at least I have listened now and I'm writing everything down and handing it better <3

sure I still think of what it would be like to go to heaven, it's just everyday is the same yk? I feel so down sometimes but "it's easier to live when you have a goal to meet" <3

And I have my boy to think of, I need to get famous, show the world I can make it and we need to live for X bc there's hope for the rest of us, Sure sometimes I wish I could see X but I will when the time is right for me.. X wouldn't want us to kill ourselves just to be with him, I know some of us wouldn't even think of that like he would be so disappointed and sad about that, look at how heartbroken he was when Jocelyn killed herself, he blamed himself

I do NOT want to die bc X used to want to

What in the fuck even? Who would say that? Its made disrespectful and disgusting

I've always been this way, doing dumb shit, cutting, taking pills and getting drunk, just shows nobody notices..

But X has helped me

#LLJ