guardian angel

I only glanced at my poster

I be so bored and fed up, i have been all day, like I wanna cry but I'm also numb to it.. I still feel like if I die at least then I'd get to travel.. I wouldn't be sad etc

I had just came back from the toilet and I glanced at my picture of X (as I always do but this felt different) as soon as I looked at my poster I thought "there's hope for the rest of us" the way I have been feeling today.. feeling like I wanna die etc bc of how I feel sad and fed up and bored, cutting even came to mind a few minutes ago, I don't go no where, i felt mean for feeling that way when I looked at my picture bc of being fed up with my boring life bc there is hope for the rest of us, his life was taken from him, I could blow up tomorrow and never be bored again, I know I'd still be sad at times bc that shit don't just go away bc you're famous etc, me wanting to die bc of being bored and fed up when there's hope for the rest of us, to make something of ourselves (like X said if he was to die a tragic death he would at least wanna know he made at least made 5 million kids happy and they found some kind of answer throughout his life, regardless of the negativity around his name <3) to help others, to live for X

(I'm literally always in the house of course I'm gonna get fed up but that's not the only reason I think of dying sometimes.. I just get so sad like Idk what to do with myself..)

There must have been a reason I looked at my picture of X and thought this.. He does watch over us when we're sad.. I know he does..

#LLJ