I woke up, feeling really odd.. Like numb but sad, I can't explain it but I just feel so sad, like I don't wanna be here :/ maybe if I die all my pain, worries, sick thoughts will be gone also, I'll be in a better place, Idk.. I know X wouldn't want me thinking this way and thinking of dying bc his life was taken from him just as he was making a change and no longer wanting to take his life, he wouldn't want any of us to think of dying bc we're so sad or bc we wanna be with him, he wouldn't want us to kill ourselves to be with him, that would fucking break his heart, like he said there's hope for the rest of us, to be better, to change what we don't like about ourselves, to help people when they need it, to make something of ourselves, to help the less fortunate, to try and make a change in this world like he was trying, to life for ourselves and him, his life was taken from him, there is hope for the rest of us
I just feel so fed up but if I didn't feel this kinda way sometimes, if I didn't go through shit, I don't think I would be able to write such deep stories and lyrics, out of bad thoughts or things that have happened to you, make it into something good, like X said about writing songs, he's gonna put the bad thoughts etc into a song and make the best fucking song <3 I was almost crying writing this but I'm trying to be positive here <3
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guardian angel
FanfictionX aka Jahseh is watching over us always, he's our guardian angel/lil demon now. i'm writing this because it's like a special story for his birthday <3 may be upsetting
