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[38] One More Night
*Marie's POV*
I don't believe in guilt, I believe in living on impulse as long as you never intentionally hurt another person, and don't judge people in your life. I think you should live completely free. - Angelina Jolie
Kahit isipin ko ng paulit ulit.. Hindi ko maiwasang.. Hindi makaramdam ng..
Hatred. Anger. Sadness. Angst. Guilt.
You know.. Kahit nagagalit ako kay Jeanne for chosing me instead of the kid na walang kamalay malay sa nangyari.. I just wanna let my kid experience the thing call.. life.
A single tear escaped. I always get so emotional whenever I think about things.
"Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don't let yourself believe it will happen to you. "
Nagulat ako nung may nagsalita. It's my Kuya. I can't help it. I've release my choke back tears. Tears cascade as my brother wrapped me in a tight embrace.
"Sis, if you'll just let your guard down." He said to me lovingly. "Give him another chance. Hear his side. Okay? Get dress, appointment mo sa OB-GYN ngayon diba? I'll accompany you." He then, kiss my forehead then he left me.
After an hour.. Tinawag ko na si Kuya para makaalis na kami.. Not later than 15 minutes nakarating na kami ng MMC. Naglakad na kami sa lobby..
"Miss..?" Tanong nung nasa nurse's station..
"Tolentino.." I felt a tang stab of guilt on my chest as I say his surname.
"This way ma'am you're expected. Kayo po ung sa room 413 right?"
"Err, yes.?" Fishing for information? Impaktang nurse to a.
"Oh. Okay ma'am. I thought you would like to know.."
"Know what?" Ano naman kayang gustong sabihin neto?
"Ah, kasi po ma'am.. Nung naka-admit kayo dito.. May guy po na laging dumadalaw sa inyo.."
"Oh, it's my brother.." Sabi ko naman.
"Ah. Hindi po. Hindi po sya." Tapos tinuro nya si Kuya na may kausap sa phone nya ngayon.
"Then who?"
"Ano... Mga ganito sya katangkad.." Tapos ini-stretch na ung kamay nya. Mas mataas sakin ung ginawa nya.. "Ma'am gwapo.. Tapos.. Nagpupunta lang po sya dito between 3-5am.. Constant po yun.. Throughout your admission period."
"R-really?" Was it him?
~
Mabilis lang naman natapos ung check-up..
Habang nasa byahe kami.. Tahimik lang ako.. Nagiisip.. Should I forgive him?
Should I give hime another chance?
Pero, parang ang hirap.. Parang pakiramdam ko.. Nung nawala sakin ung baby ko.. Kalahit ng pagkatao ko.. Kasama nung nalibing sya.. Therefor, she's on a columbary accourding to my mom..
"Sis? Are you okay?"
"Yes, kuya. Kain muna tayo." Actually, malapit naman na mag-lunch nun.. Kaya kumain kami sa isang Modern Filipino Restaurant along Global City.
Sandali lang naman kami dun.. Kaya nakauwi rin kami kaagad.. Pagdating na pagdating namin umakyat agad ako sa kwarto at naupo sa kama nakatitig sa TV.. Lipat lang ako ng lipat hanggang nakarating ako sa starmovies..
"Wala na ba silang alam na movie at buong buwan ata Bruce Almight ang palabas. Grabe talaga." Nilipat ko ulit at nakarating ako sa lifestyle network.. Barefoot Contessa.. Hmm. I really love her concept of cooking. Very stylish yet simple.
Pero nagutom lang ako sa mga nakikita ko kaya naman bumaba ako para kumuha ng cereal sa ref at saka ako umakyat ulit. Take not.. Isang buong box ung kinuha ko. I really do love cereals.. Any wheat product.
After ko kumain nilagay ko sa may side table yong bowl na gamit ko at umupo ulit sa kama.. I feel like talking to my baby..
"Baby J, what do you think?" I said as I caress my baby bump. It's not as bumpy as before.. Medyo maliit compare sa dati.
"Should I forgive him? But, he killed your sis. I can't let that happen to you too. I don't want a murderer as your dad."
Nagulat nalang ako nung biglang bumukas ung pinto at pumasok si Jeanne..
My eyes widened.. And there.. I felt it. Anger.. Hatred. Sadness. Guilt.
"W-what are you doing here?" Mahina lang ung pagkakasabi ko dahil nagulat talaga ako sa bigla nyang pagpasok sa kwarto.
"Are you eating on time? Are you taking your medicine? You should sleep on time. For goodness sake." Bossy as ever when it comes to my health. I suddenly miss him..
Hindi ako nagsasalita nakatingin lang ako sa kanya.. How I miss this guy.
"You want to get out of this marriage right?" Nagulat naman ako sa sinabi nya.. W-what?
Pero ang ikinagulat ko lalo ung sunod nyang sinabi. "Let's just be friends for the baby."
After that.. Lumabas na sya.. He didn't even bother wait for my respond.. Bigla nalang nagunahan tumulo ung luha ko..
And managed to say a small.. "N-no."
I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
~
Author's Note
Joke lang ung sa Monday pa ako mag-u-update.. Busy pala ako next.. And if isn't for that shit-thing called "Thesis Defense Presentation" I would be jumping up-and-down non-stop b'coz.. Next week's our UnivMeet (Intramurals) Endless gala sana kaso.. Oh, well. -____-
Damn thing called.. "Student's life."
Love you all. :>
#BAE
