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I had told T'Challa everything I had kept from him, the death of my mom, Natasha, Tony, how it all impacted me, especially with our unborn child.
I had become a sobbing mess no longer caring if my makeup was ruined. I felt miserable, ashamed that I had done this,"When I lost the child I couldn't forgive myself. I had already lost you, and the fact that I had lost our child made me feel even more lonelier. If—If I hadn't become such a emotionless wreck after the whole Thanos situation things would've been different. Our child would still be here, my mom wouldn't have died, and I could've saved Natasha—"
"Don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault Nova none of it was. Our child did not suffer because of you, no one did" T'Challa argued, through his fallen tears.
"But how can you say that? Don't you hate me? For what I have done? Haven't I disgraced your family, haven't I lost your trust?" I blabbered off trying to stop the tears from falling down. But I no longer felt like I could control my sobbing river.
"Nova, I'm not mad at you. I'm disappointed that you didn't tell me you had gone through all that. I promised myself I would protect you from harm, and knowing that you have gone through nothing but pain—" he cut himself off. He was upset with himself. But he was also concerned for me.
He sighed, putting both his hands on my cheeks,"I just wish you would've told me. I deserved to know too.."
I frowned, grabbing his hand,"I know and for that I'm sorry. I won't make up any excuses. I was in the wrong. But please don't blame yourself for anything. None of us knew this was coming, we couldn't control any of it. If I could things would've ended up differently" I weakly smiled, sniffing my nose, as I looked over to the pond where the baby elephants continued to play around,"I would have you, the baby, and my family."
"You think you have lost me?" He asked, bringing my attention back onto him.
Have I not? Surely after thing I've told him, his mind would change something about me,"I don't want to think that way but I'm afraid that if I don't begin to doubt myself then I'll end up disappointed"I answered, sighing.
I turned away from him and begin to walk toward the pond, sitting at the stone bench as I watched the baby elephants begin to walk away back to their parents.
T'Challa came to my side, sitting beside me. Neither one of us spoke. Deep down I was anticipating for his answer. But again, I was preparing myself to hear the painful words that would tear me apart.
"Nova can you please look at me?" He softly pleaded.
I nervously met his eyes,"You haven't lost me. You've done nothing wrong, the miscarriage was a consequence of us putting others before ourselves, and even if you have done something wrong my love for you wouldn't falter. The way I've cried for you, missed you, loved you..my mother said she had felt hat way for my father. And the love they had was one..that couldn't just easily die."
He felt that way for me? I didn't think it was possible for him to love me more than the love I had for him. And the love I had for him was one that even a flame couldn't burn out.
I stared at his eyes feeling a weak smile come on,"I love you Nova"
I bursted into tears again but he wiped my tears away,"I love you too. I'm so sorry I caused you pain" I apologized, but he shushed me, telling me that I had nothing to apologize for.
"I'm sorry I left you and our child alone" he whispered while pulling me into his arms letting me rest my head on his chest. His lips rested on my head giving me a hard kiss as I managed to calm down with tears no longer falling down.
Now all I felt was numbness. I didn't feel pain anymore. It was like the weight of it had lifted. I felt less intense and now felt relaxed in his arms.
With the night slowly reaching the morning, I had noticed a almost dead flower by the pond. It must've got trampled by the baby's elephants feet.
An idea had suddenly occurred to me. I slowly got up from T'Challas arm and picked up the skirt of my dress, bending down to the flower.
It was a lotus flower. I weakly smiled, picking it up and held it in my hands as I felt T'Challa watch me.
"You'll be alright, sleep til morning rise no shadow can kill your light, for stranger things would happen in the midnight headed stream. Wear a strength of hope side by side with me.Sleep til morning rise no shadow can make you flee. Midnight reaches hope side by side with glee. Sleep til morning rises no shadow can kill your dream" I had began to softly sing as I used a bit of my energy to let my healing powers heal the flower.
At first all you could see was a soft orange shine, like the sunset in my palms but by the end of the song my magic had stopped with the lotus flower now healed up and brand new.
I looked to T'Challa who frowned, standing up coming to my side,"Now that I've come clean, we should hold a little memorial for the baby" I said, looking back down to the flower I had healed,"This is for them" I said, trying my best to keep my emotions under control.
T'Challa nodded, as I could see him trying surprise his tears while he lightly grabbed my hands. He bent down to his knees with me as we let the lotus flower float in the pond.
I stared at it releasing a shaky watching it float away,"What do we do after this? Do we just go back to how everything else was and forget?"
"No, I don't wanna forget" T'Challa replied, that we both looked at each other,"Neither do I" I answered,"If I forget than I'll only end up in another nightmare again, and I no longer want to play a part of that anymore. I don't want to be part of a game where I know where I'll ultimately lose. The only faith I'll have is if someone prays for me."
"I'll be praying for you" T'Challa said, that I looked at him with a small smile.
