❛ 𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐥𝐚𝐧. 𝗇𝖼𝗍 𝖺𝖽𝖽𝖾𝖽 𝗆𝖾𝗆𝖻𝖾𝗋

❖ Finally ❖

This is a very personal chapter to me. I needed to write to help me and I just...Idk this is personal but I really hope it isn't too horrible for you guys <3 

Mentions of mental health, please do not read if this topic impacts you. If you do not wish to go further then remember you are strong, loved and most importantly never alone <3 I may not know you, but I love you and you are an amazing human both inside and out 💚

- 

"You ever feel like you're just floating?" 

Yuta looked up from his phone and cast a glance over at Chaehyun who was laying flat on his back on top of the stage. 127 had arrived at the venue early that morning and Chaehyun had been off since opening his eyes. The fact that he was quite clearly acting differently hung over the air but nobody wanted to say anything, they wanted Chaehyun to be the one to go to them. Yuta placed down his phone and laid back beside his member. He said nothing as Chaehyun continued. 

"Like...my body is here and I'm living but my mind is just not. My mind is far away. Like somedays, I feel happy and like I can breathe but other days, my brain floats away and my chest is constantly tight. Like I just forget how to live. I just feel embarrassed about who I am. What I deal with." Chaehyun's tone was soft, no sign of any teasing undertone which he usually adds. Yuta felt like he was looking at a different person, the different version of his friend. The vulnerable boy who just wants somebody to understand. 

"You're not okay, Chae and that's not a bad thing, you are by far the strongest person I have ever met like I look at you sometimes and I'm like-Woah, I would do anything to be you. You have a dark past but the brightest future ahead of you. Just because you don't let's say... function in the way some of us do in the sense that happiness doesn't come easy and you do panic quite a lot. You're limited to certain things you can do and certain emotions. None of that means you should be embarrassed, you should be proud of who you are. You're a role model for kids everywhere." 

Chaehyun snorted and rubbed a hand over his forehead. "A role model? I am far from a role model." 

Yuta was almost shocked by this side of Chaehyun. He always carried himself so confidently, Chaehyun knew his worth and he knew just how to handle himself. To hear how insecure and vulnerable he is was like a kick in the teeth for Yuta because all he wanted was for the boy to see just how great of a person he is. There had been so many times when Yuta just needed a hand up and Chaehyun always gave him that hand. He could be on the other side of the world and would still manage to lift somebody up. 

"I've had a shit past with just family and not only that but friends. I was with people who didn't like me, who made me feel like I was annoying. It was like I would be in the group and I knew that if I wasn't there, nobody would miss me and nobody would bat an eyelid. It messed with my confidence and made it hard for me to make friends, which is why I was so reserved when I first met you guys because i didn't wanna feel like that again. I distance myself because I am protecting myself. I look like a confident, loud, sometimes arrogant guy but there's the side to me that is vulnerable. I hated to cry because my father would always call me some degrading names for it, I have slowly started to show that emotion and that side because I have realized that sadness and tears are an emotion that we all have and one that I shouldn't be ashamed of." 

Yuta nodded slowly along, listening to every word. Yuta felt...almost privileged to have the boy open up to him. He wanted to be there, even if he was just giving him a shoulder to cry on and an ear to talk to. He was happy to be a help. He wasn't even aware of the fact that he always felt left out with his former friends, Yuta had always assumed that everyone loved Chaehyun because he was just such a likeable character. He knew that he mixed with the wrong crowd, but he didn't know how that crowd had made him feel. 

"I never want you to feel like you are left out or anything. We all worry about you. You make us who we are, Chae, you've taught the Dreamies so many things, like showing emotion and how to be a good person. Do you know how much those teenagers look up to you? Do you know how much we all look up to you? Even Taeyong takes notes from you and he's the leader." 

Chaehyun could only smile as Yuta threw an arm over his stomach, giving him a hug. It was quite an awkward position considering they were on the floor, so Chaehyun rolled onto his side and threw one leg over Yuta's body. 

"I think I'm ready to see a professional... I'm never going to move on if I don't try and help myself and I think it's time I put my mental health first this time." 

Yuta wanted to cry from joy. The entire group had been hoping for this to happen for so long. Chaehyun was finally putting himself before everything else, seeing a therapist may be the best thing for him. 

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" The two jumped at the sound of a loud voice booming as the person stomped towards them. "Can you get off my mans please?" 

Of course, Lucas' jealous self had to make an appearance. 

Yuta only gripped Chaehyun tighter, grinning up at Lucas who had his arms folded, tapping his foot impatiently. 

"Yuta!" Sicheng's familiar voice called out. 

Chaehyun didn't even get to blink before Yuta had untangled himself and practically crawled towards his best friend. Lucas smiled in triumph and laid down in the spot where Yuta was laying in and recreated the position. When he noticed the red blotches on Chaehyun's face, he reached his hand up to trace over the patches before he noticed the puffy eyes.

"Have you been crying?" 

"Yeah, started as soon as I heard your voice." That earned him a kick. Chaehyun looked up at the ceiling as he laughed loudly. "I'm kidding, no i was just talking to Yuta about somethings. I'm uh...I'm gonna speak to a professional." 

Lucas gasped and sat up. "Really?" 

Chaehyun nodded his head with a soft smile. Lucas fist-pumped the air and cheered loudly, keeping it less subtle that this moment he had been anticipating for a long while. Chaehyun could only laugh loudly in response. 

Maybe everything would be okay...

_________________

So yeah, this was kind of a more serious one because it was personal to me, but I really did try to add a small bit of humour to it. 

Thank you so much for reading, this wasn't proofread but I hope you enjoyed anyway. 

Honestly, I cannot thank you guys enough for everything. You are greatly appreciated you really are 💚

- Blue x