This Ends Here (✓)

32.

"I missed him so much that I almost forgot him."

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"Dito rin," turan ko sa waiter at nag taas ng kamay. Naglapag ito ng beer sa lamesa ko at umalis na.

Itinabi ko ang unang bote ko at tinungga na ang bago. Halos sanay na sanay na ang katawan ko sa beer, ito na yata ang dugo ko.

12 a.m. na kaya wala na sina Mr. Lee at ang iba pa naming mga katrabaho. Kaunti na lang kami dito.

"Slow down, masyado ka atang nagsasaya pero parang hindi rin," asar ni Cris.

Inirapan ko lang siya at hindi na pinansin pa.

Another promotion, it calls for celebration. Kanina kinausap ko sina Papa at KC, they were so happy. Sabi nila, proud sila sa'kin. I almost cry. Ang saya pala nang after ng hardworks mo ay sasabihin ng pamilya mong proud sila sa'yo.

Mas gusto kong umiyak nung sabihin ni Papa na sure raw na proud din si Mama sa'kin ngayon. Miss na miss ko na sila, lalo na si Mama. I hope nasa maayos siyang kalagayan ngayon.

I hope it's not lonely in heaven.

Limang buwan na mula nung mawala si Mama. Unti unti na kaming nakakarecover. Tuloy tuloy pa rin ang pagpapa check up ni Papa at maayos naman ang pag aaral ni KC. I realized that I will be spending my life loving them two and providing their needs. I love them and it's to make Mama proud, too.

Tutuparin ko pa rin ang mga pangarap naming lahat. Little steps, pero sure steps.

I sigh. Muli akong tumungga. I glanced at my phone. No notification.

"Where's your boyfriend?" Pang uusisa ni Cris.

Napaismid ako. "He'd be here, susunduin niya ako."

"Wow, bago ata yan."

"Quit it, Cris."

Napatingin ulit ako sa phone ko. I texted Theo the address of this resto bar, he said he's on his way. Pero kanina pa 'yun, dalawang oras na ang lumipas. Wala pa rin siya.

Saglit akong nag banyo at nag ayos ng mukha. Namumula na ako. Nararamdaman ko na ang epekto ng alak dahil medyo nahihilo na ako.

Putangina, I missed Theo.

I raised a look at the mirror before I decided to go back to our table. Isang buwan na kaming hindi nagkikita, grabe naman kung ngayong gabi may excuse na naman siya.

Paulit ulit kong chineck ang phone ko pero wala pa ring paramdam galing kay Theo. It's almost 1 a.m. at gusto ko nang umuwi.

"Is he still coming? If you want, ako na ang maghatid sa'yo," tipsy na turan ni Cris.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm fine. Darating 'yun."

"Why do girls fall in love with jerks?" Kompirmado. Lasing na rin siya.

I glanced at him. "I don't think so. Hindi naman ako nahulog sa'yo."

He smirked. Matagal bago siya nakasagot. "Do you think your boyfriend is not a jerk?"

Hindi ako sumagot. I'm done with my arguments with Cris. Hindi na ako natutuwang lagi niyang dinidegrade si Theo.

He looks at me. "You know, Kate, if your boyfriend isn't a jerk, he wouldn't make you lonely or worried or sad."

I rolled my eyes. Hindi ako sumagot. Kapag lasing ka, bumababaw ka talaga. Wala naman siyang alam kung gaano ko kamahal si Theo, at kung gaano ako kamahal nung tao.

"Kate."

"Ano?" I looked at him.

He was just staring at me. Ngayon ko lang siya nakitang ganito kalapit. His hair is messy, and his polo shirt. His eyes are swollen, tired and drunk. He was still holding his beer but I doubt he could still walk fine.

Ngayon ko lang siya nakitang ganito. He looks lost and messed up. Lagi kasi siyang malinis at disenteng tingnan sa office. Parang laging organized ang buhay at walang problema.

And, here he is now. Parang nawawala siya. Para siyang normal na tao, he looks sad.

At this moment, hindi na siya 'yung nakakairitang Cris na may gusto sa'kin. I think it's the vulnerable hour of the day. He is making me stare at his eyes.

"You know, Kate, it's sad." He smiled a little. "You look like my ex girlfriend. You act like her, you are like her."

Nakatitig lang ako sa mga mata niyang may mga luhang nagbabadya pero pinipigilan niya.

"And it's so sad because she's gone. She died four years ago. I lost my first love because I wasn't there when her whole family was murdered. I wasn't there when she died. I wasn't given a chance to even try to save her."

Nagpahid siya ng luha. Gusto ko na lang ring umiyak kasi oo, ang lungkot. Ang lungkot na namatay ang girlfriend niya. No one deserves to lose a loved one.

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. I was shocked. He smiled at me with all the loneliness he got inside. "I missed her and it's so sad I see her in you. I missed her so much it hurts like hell."

I realized how I missed doing comforts and how I am attracted to lonely, broken boys. Gusto kong may pinapagaling, may inaaayos.

I was lost in the moment. Because I realized how much I missed Theo, too.

I missed his touch. I missed having the feeling of being in love, of having someone right next to you. I missed the connection.

I missed the idea of a happy love. Bigla kong nakalimutan si Theo. Kasi wala siya ngayon.

And now, there is another lonely, broken boy.

I was so lonely and broken, too, that when Cris kissed me, I kissed him back.

It was quick, shocking and terrifying. I almost saw blood jumped out of Cris' mouth.

Galit na galit si Theo. Mabilis nawala ang pagkalasing ko. Napatingin ako kay Cris na nakabulagta sa sahig.

Kinaladkad ako ni Theo palabas ng restobar.