This Ends Here (✓)

33.

“How dumb are we as lovers? We still stay. We still hope.”

-

“Sorry,” nakayuko kong sabi ng paulit ulit. “Fuck, sorry, I was so drunk. I thought it’s you or, no, I wasn’t thinking.” Halos murahin ko ng paulit ulit ang sarili ko.

Ano ba ‘yung nagawa ko?

Shit, paano ko nagawa?

I looked at Theo, he was just staring outside the window – kinakalma ang sarili. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya.

“Sorry, love, sorry.”

Galit niya akong tiningnan. “Seriously? I don’t know, Kate. Mas masarap ba ‘yung humalik?”

Napahilamos ako. “Fuck, ano ba?” Sinapo ko ang noo ko. “Sobrang nagi-guilty ako, okey? Please, sorry na. I was drunk, okey?”

“You kiss guys when you’re drunk?”

“No, Theo!” I look at him with disbelief. “It was the first time, hindi na rin mauulit. I’m not gonna talk to Cris again, okey? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

I turned away from him and sobbed. I felt like I cheated, e, hindi ko rin naman alam. It was the alcohol and loneliness and wanting comfort.

Umiyak ako ng umiyak. That was so stupid of me. For a moment, nakalimutan ko si Theo – nakalimutan ko ang boyfriend ko. I forgot he was coming; he was on his way.

I missed him so much and it was tearing me apart. At, nagawa ko ‘yun. I am so sorry, I don’t think I can forgive myself, too. I was like a cheater.

I know if tables were turned and it was Theo who have done that, I would be so mad. Baka nga makipag hiwalay pa ako. Pero ako ang nagkasala. But, I don’t want him breaking up with me.

Hindi ko kaya.

I just want to forget. I am so mad at myself. Kasi parang nagtaksil ako kay Theo and I don’t want him to feel worthless or to think that his girlfriend cheats on him. I don’t want him to run away again.

Mababaliw ako. Mahal na mahal ko siya.

I don’t want break up.

It was maybe I am lucky. I felt him hugging me. “Ssh, okey, okey, don’t cry.” Hinalikan niya ang gilid ng ulo ko. “You’re forgiven, okey na, I was just mad for a moment. Okey na, love, stop crying.”

I hugged him back. “Sorry, sorry, hindi kita niloloko, okey? I am not cheating, I wasn’t cheating. I just missed you so much,” pumiyok ako. “I’m sorry I kissed the wrong guy, I’m sorry wala talaga ako sa katinuan. I’m so sorry, promise, ikaw ‘yung mahal ko. Sorry…”

He kissed my forehead and wiped away my tears. He placed his hands on my cheeks. “Okey na. I’m sorry I have to be away for a long time, sorry. I’m sorry I made you lonely and you have done that. Kasalanan ko, love.”

Mabilis akong umiling. “Theo, hindi. It’s no one’s sin. It’s just my mistake, promise, hindi na mauulit.”

He nodded. “Don’t get drunk again without me.”

I nodded. “Oo, promise.”

He kissed my lips. “Tatanggalin ko na lang rabies ‘nung katrabaho mo.”

I pouted and hugged him more. “I’m so sorry, love. Are we good?”

“We should always be good.”

“For a moment, akala ko makikipag break ka. I was so fucking scared.”

He glanced at me. “No way, no breaking up. I know since day one.”

I almost cry. Para akong nabunutan ng tinik. I don’t want us breaking up, I want us being together for a lifetime.

Through ups and downs.

I want us always. Kahit mahirap. Kahit maraming pagsubok.

Kami lang ni Theo. Kasi dapat sapat na ang pagmamahal para daigin ang lahat ng nakakasirang emosyon.