Black Widow Imagines™️

Insomnia pt. 2

Requests are open! Just pm me :)

WARNINGS: mentions of self harm and abusive relationships

Enjoy

NATASHAS POV

"A year long mission!? Are you fucking serious Steve?!" I hissed at the super solider.

"You're the best hero for the job, Nat. I'm sorry." The blond sighed.

"Try telling that to y/n." I mumbled under my breath before storming out of the conference room to start packing my bags since I leave tomorrow.

[...]

"Hey Nat." Y/n mumbled tiredly as she walked into my room.

"Hey, Princess." I smiled kindly at the girl I was practically in love with, trying to ignore the stabbing pain in my heart at the thought of being away for a year.

"Can you hold me till I fall asleep?" Y/n asked timidly. The stabbing in my heart reduced to a dull ache at how cute she was being. No matter how many times I held her as she fell asleep, me falling asleep soon after, waking up in each other's arms, she was still shy to ask me to hold her.

"You don't have to ask, princess." I lifted the covers up to let her know that it was okay.

Y/n climbed in the bed with a yawn, curling against my chest and I wrapped a arm around her and she instantly stopped shaking. I kissed the top of her head, running my fingers gently up and down her back.

YOUR POV

I woke up and Nat was gone, the bed was cold and the sheets weren't wrinkled like she wasn't even here to begin with. My heart clenched because I enjoyed waking up in her arms, seeing he red hair sprawled across the pillow and her face, her muscular arms wrapped tightly around me like I would disappear if she didn't hold me. I even missed sometimes the slight drool she would have in the corner of her mouth, as gross as it sounded. But the thing I miss the most was the bright, soft smile that rivaled the sun when she would wake up and see me, mumbling a small good morning before kissing the top of my forehead then the tip of my nose.

I sighed as I got out of bed and made sure the covers were pulled up and the pillows were fixed. My eyes focused on the white paper that was folded on her nightstand, my name written neatly in cursive.

Y/n,
I couldn't tell you this in person because it would make it real and I couldn't come to terms with that. Steve sent me on a mission that will be a year long... I fought him but I can't deny my responsibilities. Sometimes I wish I could just run away with you and we could leave this life behind us. That would be selfish, I know, but I want to be selfish with you. I love you. I know I should tell you in person but I wasn't sure I was going to even tell you till my pen hit the paper. I love you y/n. I promise when I'm back I'm not letting you leave my arms again. Please take care of yourself princess, for me. I'll see you in a minute.
- Nat xoxo

I didn't realize I was crying till the pen started bleeding when the drops hit the paper. I know I shouldn't have relied so heavily on another person to help me sleep at night or deal with my issues, but I needed her to breathe and to live, as cheesy as that sounds. I love her too.

364 DAYS LATER

My nerves stood to attention as I lazily dragged the blade across my skin for the fifth time that day. The blood bubbling to the surface before flowing down my arm, the red reminding me of her wild hair.

I've been having trouble sleeping still, only managing to her a max of an hour by myself. I know the others were worried about me, some of them noticing why I started wearing long sleeves in the summer heat of July. They knew. Clint was a big help I suppose, he made she I wasn't alone, but he couldn't follow me to the bathroom. That was the only time I had to myself.

It's been 364 days since Natasha has been gone. She comes back tomorrow and I know I should be happy, but it's been a year. Realistically she should have gotten over me, realized how much I leaned on her and resent me for it. She couldn't fix me, I had to do that myself but I wanted her to hold my hand through it all. Why would she want me now? Now that I enjoyed the pain of watching my wrist bleed.

Shoving my wrist under the freezing water I washed the blood off along with the razor blade, stashing it away somewhere before bandaging my wrist up and putting my sleeve down.

[...]

Natasha was back, I could tell because they were all being loud in their greeting when she walked into the compound. I was sitting in my room, fiddling with my fingers nervously. She was going to come in here sooner than later and I don't think I was prepared for her to see me.

"Hey, Princess." I heard her husk softly.

"H-hey, Nat." I stuttered. "How was the mission?"

"Smooth sailing. I couldn't get you out of my head, though. I missed you." The Avenger came and sat down next to me, taking my hand in hers and I felt myself relax some.

"I missed you too... I got your note the day you left. I love you too." I looked at her, noticing her face got a little more mature during the year she was gone.

A visible blush appeared on her cheeks even in my dimly lit room, "You don't know how long I've been wanting to tell you how I felt."

"Probably the same time I've been wanting to tell you." I giggled.

Nat smiled at me before pecking my cheek.

"You look exhausted, baby." She cooed softly as she caressed my cheek.

"I haven't been sleeping well without you." I admitted.

"Me neither. I've gotten so used to sleeping with you in my arms it was hard without you."

"Come on, we can take a nap before dinner." I got up from my bed and pulled the covers back before both of us got under, me instantly snuggling up the ginger.

Nat took my arm and lifted my sleeve up, kissing each and every one of my scars.

"Clint told me. I wish you didn't do this to yourself, but I'm here now and I love you and all these scars." Nat told me as she ran her fingers through my hair.

I cried in her arms that night, spilling all my dark thoughts and confessions and she told me that she was here, she wasn't leaving, and that everything was going to her better. Both of us ending the night with a quite I love you.