Black Widow Imagines™️

Inner struggles.

Requests are open! Just pm me :)

WARNING: mentions of depression and self harm (burning self) taking unprescribed meds and  it's angsty

Prompt:

Requested by: Anon

Hope this turned out alright for you

YOUR POV

The others didn't know and how could they? Depression came in many forms and had many names. I didn't even tell my girlfriend Natashas, a well trained spy who could sense a lie, about my struggles. I became good at hiding how I really felt, only letting everything out when I knew it was a safe and I was alone.

The others were going on a mission, me having to stay in the compound with Dr. Cho since I got hurt on the last mission.

"We'll be back when this is all over, my love." Nat kissed the top of my head before squeezing my hand.

It was a two week long mission, unless they got it done sooner, they weren't going to be back for awhile. I hummed tiredly, brushing off her worried eyes with a quick "The pain meds have kicked in." And a "Be safe out there."

So it wasn't a total lie because the pain meds had kicked in, the problem was, they weren't my pain meds but she didn't need to know that.  My eye lids were half way closed between high and down on the earth. Slowly I made my way to my room after turning the tv off in the compound.

"FRIDAY, I'm going out." I told the AI as I shrugged my jacket on over my bare shoulders.

[...]

A week went by and my mind was tired. My hands were tired. My body was tired and everything hurts. Physically and mentally. I twirled the fresh cigarette between my finger tips, inspecting it down to the tobacco shoved inside. Licking my lips I placed the end between them and brought the basic BIC lighter towards the front, engulfing it in the flame.

Inhaling the cancer stick I took a drag before holding it in my lungs, feeling the burn on the back of my throat and then releasing. My body slumped further into the mattress as I made myself comfortable. Lifting my sleeve shirt up I looked at all the other shiny little scars marring my skin. Tainted. It was ugly.

Bringing the still lit cancer stick between my fingers, I clenched my jaw and pushed the front down on my skin, hearing it let out a small hiss before taking it off. The flesh burned and smelled sickly. The skin around the burn mark was red and I knew that one was going to be the worst.

I did this action again three or four more times, taking a few drags here and there until the cigarette was gone. Putting the butt in the ashtray I pulled another stick out from the fresh pack and lit it.

Salty tears were running down my face, making me wince every time one hit the fresh wound I inflicted on myself.

"Honey, I'm ho-"

My head shot towards the door, Natasha standing in the frame and I shut my eyes in frustration when I realized I forgot to lock the door. In my defense she wasn't supposed to be home for another week.

"Y/n, what ar-"

"It's not what it looks like." The easy reply slipped out of my lips as I gulped, putting out the fresh cig and pulling down my sleeve.

"Then tell me what it actually is." Nat said in a soft voice.

"The voices, Nat. They're so loud and I can't- I just..." I took a deep breath, "My body is tired and I have no motivation to do anything other than inflict pain on myself to make it all better. Nat I want it to be be better!" I began sobbing, curling in on myself carelessly and accidentally knocked over the ashtray on my bed, the contents spilling onto my carpet.

"Baby, it will get better. It's a bad day not a bad life." Nat cooed as she held me against her chest, "Whatever these voices are saying to you, they aren't true and it's just the depression and anxiety talking. You are not them. You are y/n y/l/n, my girlfriend whom I love and adore very much."

I tried to speak past my crying mess but I couldn't get the words out of my throat. Nat held me closer and tighter, kissing the top of my head.

"You don't have to speak, my love. I know." Nat sighed into my hair as I yawned, feeling sleep consume me.

[...]

The next morning I woke up to a cold bed, my arm was bandaged and stung slightly. Sitting up in bed I ran my fingers through my hair to try and fix my bed head as best as I could. The door creaked open and my eyes darted towards it, seeing Nat walk in with a tray full of a lot of food.

"I brought you breakfast. I figured we could eat, watch movies and cuddle." Her pale cheeks turned a few shades of pink and I cooed.

"That sounds nice." I smiled and lifted the covers back for her so she could climb in easily.

Nat handed me the tray of food and climbed into bed and got comfortable, me placing the tray between the two of us as I grabbed the PlayStation remote near my bed to load Netflix up.

"Thank you... for everything you do for me." I thanked my girlfriend softly.

"You have my back and I have yours. Always."

I leaned forward and pecked Nats syrup covered lips a few times before scrolling through the scary movie genre.