Fifty Shades of Jeon|| Lizkook ff||

Past

"We have to talk."

He sounded so serious that I started to worry. I frowned and turned my whole attention at him, basically ignoring the magical surroundings.
"Oh yeah sure, what's um... what's up?"

He paused for a while as I felt my hands becoming sweaty the longer he stayed quiet.

"How do you like...being my sub till now?"

I didn't expect such a question but I kinda was relieved that it wasn't something bad. At least it didn't seem like it.
My body lost tension
"Oh, I, um, kinda, really enjoy it, till now."

Jungkook grinned a little and nodded "Yeah, that was the answer I was expecting."

He paused again.

"I think you've talked to the other women today?"

"Yes" I answered with a nod.

"And I'm sure you have some questions, right?"

"Well, yes, kinda. I mean, this is not that usual. So sure I have some questions but I don't want to bother people with questions about their...sex life"
I don't know why but I blushed a little.
My boss on the other hand just chuckled quietly.

"Its okay. Let me tell you how I got into this shit"

I nodded again.

Jungkook, who's skin was glowing and eyes were shining in the moonlight took a deep breath and looked over at the lake before he began to talk...

"I was little when my mom died... An overdose of some drugs. It was sad but I overcame it, I think. My father, he abused me, physically and verbally. He did things to me I don't want to repeat.
One day, I was 15 I think, we got a new teacher. A beautiful young woman. She was like 25.

I knew it wasn't right because she was an adult and I still was a child but... I immedialty fell in love with her.
I always would be stay close to her and try to get her attention. And the best thing was, she gave me this attention.

She gave me every attention possible. Not only at school. We also used to meet up in my free time and I felt so save.

I remember getting my first boner because of her. It was because of a dream I had"
Jungkook chuckled.
"But also in school and...never mind.
One day, when we met at her apartment, she started touching me and since I had dreamt about this a few times, it didn't take long for my friend to wake up.
She took the opportunity and showed me her...play room.
She did things to me I couldn't imagine. It felt...so great.
And everytime I gave up control and became her sub, I felt so relieved and safe.
It is...i can't describe it.
I was her sub for five years. When I was 20, I noticed that I need to have control and want others to feel like I felt.

That's why you are here."

...

I looked at Jungkook with widen eyes, more in disbelief.
"Wait" I shook my head and tried to organises the information I just had gotten.
"You mean, this woman made you to this sex-addict?"

"She showed me a way of handling my past. I didn't know how to deal with it, with my emotions and feelings.
Now I do"

"But this isn't a solution! You need a therapy!" I slightly raised my voice but seriously, it wasn't that much.

"Kitten, watch your mouth" he warned me.

"No, now I am gonna talk. You're using people to deal with your emotions but by using them, you break them!"

"Don't you enjoy it?" he tried to take my hand but I pulled back.

"Don't touch me!... Do the men from your business meeting the same?! Do they use their subs?!"

"I mean, I don't think all do that. But some for sure" he simply shrugged.

My hand ran through my hair while I tried to calm down, walking around a little.
Until I felt Jungkook's hand on my shoulder.
"Don't touch me!" I repeated and slapped his hand away once more.
"I don't want to be used! I want to be loved! I allowed you to love me the way you do! And I liked it! But where is the point when...there arent ant feelings?!"

"Lalisa" fuck, he didn't use a nickname "I told you I'm not good at this. Please calm down now."

But I couldn't, I couldn't calm down. How dare he to look at me with his dirty eyes, how dare he to touch me, how dare he to fuck me, how dare he to use my body when he just uses it?!

I felt broken. As if something had sucked out my heart and the will to live.

"I love you, Jungkook! I fell in love with you!" I screamed through my tears, my body shaking, "and you're just using me!"

Jungkook's anger visibility built up and he tensed up a lot.
I was breathing uneven and had turned away from him until I felt his grip on my waist. He pressed me onto the hood of his car, holding me by my hair as his crotch was pressing against my ass.

"Take that back!" he growled and I just cried out.
"You're using me!"

I whimpered repeatedly as he pulled up my dress and pulled my panties down.

"Stop! Jungkook, stop! I don't-"

In the next second I felt his dick being pushed inside me and I felt like something had cut off my tongue.

He fucked me. He fucked me hard. He fucked me on the hood of his car. He fucked me in public. He fucked me without my permission.
He fucked me to lose tension and to handle his emotions.
He used me.

I felt empty. No heart beating inside of my chest. No blood running through my body. Everything has just stopped. I even had stopped crying.
No sound escaping my lips.
Nothing, I was an empty body being fucked.

Jungkook was thrusting into me deeply and hard while I just played there, the cold material of the car pressing against my cheek.

I could see my breath. It got visible due to the air being cold.
I watched it how it slowly left my lips and made its way through the air.
I wish I could have done the same.

You might think I should have done anything like pushing him off or screaming.
But i couldnt. I felt so dirty and helpless. And I didn't deserve to get help
because

I let him use me.