Last Girl Alive | Bangtan

88: Kim Seokjin's Past

"Alright and cut! That's a wrap!"

Jin sighs as he relaxes his expression. The scene had taken forever to film especially in this hot sweaty weather that kept melting his makeup. And the makeup artists had made a huge fuss over tiny intricate details of his face that he couldn't even notice himself.

According to him he needed no makeup to look good. It was a waste of time and money and he had to carry out multiple skin care routines to save his suffering skin. All this whitewashing was giving him a headache.

He made his way to the nearest chair, plopping himself down in it. He waved his hand, ordering a cool drink as a fan was given to him. He held the small fan by its neck, loving the way the cool air refreshed him. The drink was soon delivered, and he gulped it down in a go like a shot.

He relaxes in the chair for mere moments before his short lived peace in interrupted. "Sorry Mr. Kim, " A female voice causes him to pry open his eyes. His youngest son's hand held firmly in the older female's grip leads to a sheepish face made of his nose and lips. "He got bored and insisted in seeing his father."

"Ah that's alright, I'm done anyway. " Jin smiles gratefully to her before patting his lap. The little jumps up happily on his father's body as Jin groans. "Agh, you grow heavier by the day don't you? What did you have for lunch?"

"We went to Panda Express."

"Aish," Jin kneads his forehead between his thumb and pointer finger. "Again? It's unhealthy to go outside so often, Odengie."

"Ah Kim Seokjin, " the director approaches him, own fan held in hand. "You're a natural. But run over your lines again clearly, the first few takes were a bit shaky. "

"Ah yes, " Jin nods as his son looks up at the director admiringly. "Will do. Sorry, I was a bit caught up last night."

He really needed a break, Jin thought. Since his wife had left him, he'd been having it tough juggling work and family. His oldest son was easier to manage as he could take care of himself somewhat and his school went on till later. But the younger two were always around when he was filming or practicing. Although he could hire staff to look after them, he preferred them to be under his own care. After she'd banged that door and walked out, he couldn't trust anyone to not break their little hearts. They'd cried so much that day and the days after, he'd barely had tears to shed for himself. He'd had to suck it up, because now, as their only parent and guardian, he had to given them double the love, double the patience, double the happiness.

And he couldn't do that when he was here, performing take after take, memorizing lines and getting his make up done. He couldn't do that when he had to travel across the world to show his face on a camera and go to meetings and interviews. It was all too much, though he'd never admit it. At least he had Gukmul. The teenage boy despite being still young at the age of thirteen could sense his father's stress and had taken up a hand in cooking himself. He'd wasted all sorts of ingredients coming up recipes and was responsible enough for clean up after himself. Jin hated the fact that he was counting on Gukmul often and giving him much responsibility so early on but it was such a godsend to come home and see a meal ready or beds made.

He looks back down at his youngest son, who's entertaining himself with the robotic voice he produced through the fan. He truly needed a break, he thought, but the movie wasn't even halfway done. If he could just get a few days off, grab his life together, spend time with the boys; give them the attention and effort they deserved. He sighs again, sitting up and slips his large hand into his son's little palm. He moves through he throng of people, cleaning up the props under the command of the supervisors.

He just wanted to get home.

"Papa," Odeng asks, swinging his arm with his father's.

"Hm?"

"Where are we going?" he asks.

"We'll pick up your hyung, pick up dinner and go home."

Odeng pouts. "You just said it isn't good to eat outside food so often," he points out Jin's previous words. "I like it when you cook."

Jin can't help but smile sadly. He too would have opted for that but he was all out of energy. He'd been here all day, under the stress of acting. He wanted a shower. He wanted food. Above all, he just wanted to fall asleep.

"I'm too tired," he whines a little childishly, hoping to earn his younger son's sympathy that way. But when he sees the dismayed response he adds, "Don't look so disappointed Odengie." He gets an idea halfway, turning suddenly to his son as they move through the red carpeted halls. "Hey, shall I tell you a joke?"

Odeng rolls his eyes, crossing his arms firmly and dramatically. "Papa, you're jokes aren't funny!"

"I know you like them," Jin grins. "You always laugh. Now tell me..what do you call an American bee?"

Odeng presses his lip, thinking hard. Jin watches him amused, as he puts on an exaggerated act of thinking hard. As he does so, Jin leans back again, admiring the features of the little one's face. The nose was his, the lips were his, it was the eyes. The eyes that reminded him of her. Those were big brown almond eyes, with thick eyelashes. He missed the way she would look at him through them, like he was the most handsome man in the world.

But that hadn't been enough.

"I don't know," Odeng admits suddenly. Jin clicks back from his thoughts, turning back to his son who's waiting for the answer. His eyes twinkle, as his wrinkled whiskers appear as he replies:

"A USB."

Odeng stares at him for a second, not understanding. Then his face shakes, as he starts to crack up with his lips firmly closed. His pupils shimmer as he clenches his fists, refusing to lose his dignity and laugh at such a stupid joke. Jin chuckles heartily, enjoying the pained look on his son's face as he uses all his willpower to not laugh at the joke.

"Ah Odengie," he smiles wide. "You'd do better than me. A born actor, aren't you?"

The guard catches sight of Jin and gives him a signal. Jin clears his throat, mentally preparing himself for the mob outside. This was the problem of being popular. People always seemed to know where you were even if the filming spot had gone discreet. It was even worse when it was out in the open.

He turns to Odeng. "How do I look?" he puts on a charming expression.

"You look..." Odeng ponders for the right words, as he stares at his father's face. He suddenly looks back up. "Worldwide handsome!"

"W-worldwide handsome?" Jin repeats. A weird feeling comes over him, as he loses himself for a second. With her eyes as he repeats the exact same words she used to tell him...creates the most emotional déja vu he's experienced.

He gulps, nodding slowly. "Okay then," he murmurs, realizing the croak in his voice. He nods at the guard and the doors swing open.

Flash pictures hit him like sunlight in a cave. A wave of people surge towards him like a tsunami, held back by large buff men. He's a little overwhelmed for a second, as he pushes his son behind him protectively at once. He's ushered through the mob quickly to his waiting car. He doesn't hesitate to open the car door, and let Odeng in before climbing in himself. He commands the driver to move at once, feeling the shouts and screams of people vibrate through the glass windows.

He turns to the window to give them one last glance, as Odeng crawls over his lap to wave an enthusiastic goodbye to all of them. He often did the Queen of England impression which Jin found hilarious.

He could see the twisted faces of people of all ages, squinting to catch a good glimpse of him. He could feel the tension in the air in his bones. He could hear guards ordering people to stay back. People he didn't know but who knew him well.

And finally the unceasing sounds of clicks and captures. Of recordings and videos. He could see people jumping to get noticed and screaming his name over and over again in desperate hope.

As the car rolled away he found himself asking:

What would his world be like without all these people?

What would his life be like if he lived ordinarily?

[I saw the outcast au like 2 days ago and that's one of the creepiest things I've ever seen]