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i passed through the cafeteria and gave a quick hello to carol and carl, who were still continuing on loading ammo into the magazines. they were pretty focused. i stop in front of them, "hey, um, you guys seen lola?"
carl nods, nudging his head towards the cells, "yeah, she went through there. i think she mentioned she wanted to take a break from loading ammo and draw."
i nod in response, "okay, thanks sweetie."
i enter the cellblock, heading straight towards me and lola's. and that's when i saw her, she sat on the bottom bunk, specifically mine, her legs crossed and her coloring book resting on her lap. she held a purple colored pencil in her left hand, lightly shading in between the lines, her eyes so invested in the art.
i let out a soft chuckle, leaning against the wall. i knock on the smooth concrete wall, which immediately grabbed her attention. her head shot up from her lap, and at the sight of seeing me her lips tugged into a big smile, "hi, mom!"
i chuckle as i go and sit down next to her, "so, whatcha drawing?" i looked down at the coloring book, it was one of those coloring books that took hours and hours to finish just to get in between the lines.
it was a bird, and i could easily tell it was purple themed. "a bird." she simply answered. she moved the coloring book from her lap to her side, shifting towards me, "so what'd you wanna talk about, mommy?"
sometimes she goes back and forth between mom and mommy, which i found cute.
i take in a deep breath as i start to slide the ring up and down on my ring finger, this is gonna take a lot for me to do. but it has to be done, because i know she'd like it.
"well." i start, "this is gonna take a lot in me. but um, you know i love you so so much, yeah?" lola nods in confusion, "yeah, i know. i love you, too. mom, what's this about?"
i let out a long sigh, and i squeeze my eyes shut as i slowly slide my wedding ring off of my finger. my heart stung just doing it considering i never thought the day would come, but here we are. lola shifted her eyes from my wedding ring to my face, "w-what are you doing?!"
i send her a reassuring smile as i grab her left hand, sliding my wedding ring right onto her middle finger. she sent me a confused look, "m—mom? this is your ring. dad gave it to you, why are you giving it to me?"
my heart hurt doing this. but as i've said, it needs to be done. i smile at her, "baby, seeing—and knowing your father was dead. haunted me, hurt me more than words could describe."
