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"no, lola." i advise her as i point to the letter printed on the white sheet of paper, "the 'p' is silent in 'phenomenal."
she rolls her eyes in frustration and goes to rewrite it. we sat in our cell together, and i was helping her and carl with their spelling. "ha! i knew it!" carl cheers with a fist pumped up in the air. i was in the middle of the two sitting on the bed as they held a seventh grade vocabulary packet in front of them.
"whatever." lola retorts as she rewrites the word, "i mean-why do we need to learn this anyways? the type of world we live in now shouldn't require learning and all that, i thought we gave it all up the second walkers infiltrated the world."
"well, lola. i think it's a good idea that you guys learn the basics of reading, writing, and spelling so you can make it in the world. you guys should know how to read and all that. same with the basics of math, but i covered that with you guys last week." i explain to her as i stroke her hair.
lola has changed a lot these past months, she's still a softie, a big heart, and cares for others, but sassy tremendously, especially towards carl, she gets annoyed and frustrated with him easily and it always makes me laugh.
but other than that, she's gotten taller, pretty much to my lower chest, i hope she keeps growing though, and be tall like me, and not a short height. more things that have changed are that me and lola have landed the job of being organizers. lola still helps ration our food, supplies, and gas like she always does, and she'll go straight to daryl if we need something specific. along with if there's something that should be added to the prison.
i suggest it and help handle all the kids' school work. in my days, i've always wanted to be a teacher, but knowing me and how i was growing up, if a kid talked back to me i'd slam a textbook over their head.
"alright carl." i tell him, nudging his shoulder with mine, "why don't you go find your dad? help him out in the fields, yeah?"
he nods in response and hands me his vocabulary packet, and i take it. carl stood up and went to exit the cell when he suddenly turned around, looking at me, "you know, my dad talks about you, says you've been ignoring him." he sighs, "you should talk to him, i bet he misses you."
my heart skipped a beat at the mention of rick, oh god, we're at this again? talking about rick. "what? ignoring him? of course not. i've just been—pretty busy, sweetie. so i haven't had a chance to talk to him yet." i explain to carl, but he held a suspicious look in his eye. he just shrugs before starting to walk away, "whatever you say, nikki."
i sigh in relief and start to rub my temples, that's the first time someone's confronted me and noticed i wasn't speaking to rick again. i just couldn't, it's too awkward now knowing i have some weird romantic feelings for him.
i mean, after shane? who knows what can happen if i fall for someone else. so every-time rick came around, i either bolted out of the room, or completely acted as if he didn't exist.
i look to lola, and she just shrugs with a slight smirk, "i mean—he's not wrong, mom. you're doing it with rick again. i knew why the first time, but now?—lemme guess, you finally realized." with my eyebrows furrowed, i punch her in the arm, and she just laughs as she held it in pain, "ouch!"
"what do you mean by that?" i ask her impatiently, seriousness in my tone. she drops her hand from her arm, "like i said about a month ago, mom. you and rick—whatever it is, have something going on. and i don't care if you get together or not, but stop denying it and stop running from him, it isn't gonna last forever."
i just roll my eyes and grab lola's packet from her lap, standing up from the bed. "i have to catch daryl before they go on that run." i explain to her, "why don't you go on to story time? or go outside and draw? no ones gonna be in our cellblock for awhile, everyone's got things to do today especially."
and it was true, no one was gonna be in our cellblock that we stayed in because everyone has things to do today, glenn's gonna go on a supply run with daryl and others, so is maggie, carol's occupied with the kids, rick's farming, beth also has her daily job and lola still refuses to be alone.
she nods in agreement, "okay." and then she left, leaving me in our cellblock, letting me sink deep into my thoughts again.
if i were bored and had nothing else to think of, my mind just immediately went to rick, like—i need to stop thinking about him, i can't. and in ways, i do feel bad for abandoning rick again but i'm just scared. what the fuck am i supposed to do?!
