don't hold on | rick grimes, twd

41

"hey, nik?" i was jolted out of my sleep rather quickly than expected. my heart was pounding and my mind went straight to thinking something was wrong—only it was rick, which calmed me down a tad. he was squatted down in front of me, a small, crooked smile on his face at the sight of seeing me with judith.

"everything okay?" i ask in a groggy voice, slowly sitting up from the uncomfortable pew. my back was aching from lack of comfort from the wooden pew.

he nods, "yeah—yeah, everything's fine, i took a group to get some food and we just got back. we hit the jackpot. 'got some new clothes everyone can wear too."

i nod, rubbing my eyes from the tiredness i felt, sadly, my face was still oily, and i could feel the rough pores on my skin. rick gave me a kiss on my forehead before heading over to where i'm guessing the boxes of food were.

what made me smile is that i saw lola counting the bottles and cans—writing in her notebook again for rations, oh the nostalgia. holding judith securely in my arms, i stand up from my position and stretch my legs. i was starving, and i'm pretty sure everyone was too.

chatter was scattered around the room as we all prepped to have dinner. it was like rick said, they hit the jackpot. candles illuminated the dark room, which looked much nicer when the sun went down.

i had a paper plate of warm corn, green beans, baked beans, and a glass of wine. i was gonna keep the drinking to a minimum, meaning only one glass, as a mother, i need to stay sober incase anything were to happen and i needed to take care of my children.

i took a seat down next to rick, crossing my legs so my plate could rest perfectly on top of them. when i caught rick's eye he smiled, planting a kiss on my lips. i chuckled—it still surprises me that rick and i are together, who ever thought that me and him would get here? certainly not me that's for sure.

i glanced at lola to see if she was okay, and she was eating with carl in the front row. "rick, i wanted to ask you something." i utter to him. i should just ask him now. he looks to me, concern in his eyes, "everything alright?"

i nod, "no—no, everything's fine, promise. it's just." i take in a deep breath, "before i fell asleep with judith, i was thinking, what am i too her? i mean, who is she to me? thinking about it, is she my step daughter? is she just judith to me? i mean—what am i supposed to say when—"

"she's your daughter." rick cuts in with a casual tone, popping a peanut into his mouth. my heart skipped a beat with shock, he said it so casually, like it didn't matter, "w—what?"

rick just chuckles at my shock, "she's your daughter, nik. she is. i see you raising her—being her mother. and i'm not just throwing the title around, i mean it. i believe you're fit to be her mother." a smile tugs at my lips, the thought of being judith's mother, excited me, "you mean that?"

it shook me to the core, rick had just said judith was my daughter. would that be betraying lori by taking in judith as my own? but lori also said to take care of her, and that's what i intended to do for the rest of my days, i guess i should, y'know—be judith's mother.

it takes a lot of responsibility to be a mother to a toddler in a place like this, but i have experience with parenting, so i believe i can do this. me and rick will be just fine. rick nods, "i do." he pauses, "but how's that eye doin'? 'it looks horrible."

i just shrug, "it hurts like a bitch—but i'll be fine." i start stroking his hair, running my fingers through his oily curls which were dampened with sweat, it didn't bother me, "what about you? you okay?"

rick chuckles, "yeah, i'm okay." he replies, but our conversation was cut short by abraham clinking his fork against the glass cup, "i'd like to propose a toast." the chatter slowly went down, as we all stared at the ginger, waiting for his toast.

"i look around this room—and i see survivors. each and every one of you, has earned that title." he paused, and raised his glass, "to the survivors!" all of us raised our glasses, "to the survivors!" we cheer in unison, taking a drink of what we had in our cups.

"is that all you wanna be? wake up in the mornin', fight the undead pricks, forage for food, go to sleep at night with two eyes open, rinse and repeat? 'cause you got the strength, you got the skill. the thing is, for you people, for what you can do, that's just surrender."

abraham went on about the mission to get eugene to washington. here he was, still convincing us in his own asshole way. i typically don't know how i feel about d.c, it's one of the most populated states, so wouldn't there be so many walkers?

it seems dangerous to me. i still don't know, but i couldn't get over the fact that i'm judith's mom. the last thing i'd expect would to be a mother to an infant in a world like this. but hey, if rick said it's okay, than it's okay.

but rick answered abraham's question, i guess we're going to washington. typically i don't agree with the plan, i mean i'd rather just us all find some other place to live, not a community, but like a mansion or something, a place we could all live, together—worrying about each other and not other people. but i guess d.c is what we're doing.

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!gif is of nik talking to rick after he wakes her up!