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i was in the fields tending to the crops, i had nothing else to do and knowing i can't hug or give affection to lola was killing me, so i decided to do this to get the whole mess off of my mind. carol's gone, rick basically banned her for whatever reasons he had, daryl talked to me about it. and i just can't help but think, rick does so much that pisses me off, which is great so the more reasons i can ignore him.
but carol, one of my main ladies is gone, and i don't condone it. michonne and maggie are my other two main ladies that i'm close with the most, and if i loose them too, it'd be over for me in ways. just all four of us, got along so well and we connect so fluently and naturally that it felt nice to have real friends again, family. but rick broke that, so i'm just irritated with him. "nikki?"
my heart skipped a beat at the sudden sound of his voice, rick's. i didn't know what to do, my hands stopped tending to the crops and i was frozen. can't run, he'd be on my tail in an instant, can't walk away because he'd follow me to wherever, and can't ignore him because he isn't gonna let this go, he wants answers.
my stomach fluttered as i tried to think of what to say. i gulped, "yes, rick?"
silence went on for a couple seconds before he finally responded, "i think we should go for a drive."
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absolute silence reamed around us as rick drove us down the one road, forest on each side. reluctantly, i agreed to take this 'drive' or whatever with rick. i know he wouldn't kick me out, because he knows i'd just come back for lola, and lola wouldn't wanna leave, and carl wouldn't want her to leave, so to me, it's simple, whatever this is, isn't that.
my feet were resting on the dash board, and my arms were crossed on my chest. this was very cringe for me, because rick hasn't said a word since we got in the car, and we've been driving for about five minutes now.
but, i decided to suck it up because rick most likely isn't gonna speak before me. "so, what is this rick?" i retort as i draw my eyes out of his sight, looking out of the passengers side window. there was no response from him.
in confusion i whip my head in his direction. his one hand gripped the steering wheel while his other rested on his thigh, his eyes were focused on the road and seemed to be in deep thought.
anger flaming up in me, i smack his shoulder, and that seemed to make him jump. "you wanna tell me?" rick suddenly blurts out in an annoyed tone.
i jerk my head back in surprise, scoffing, "um—excuse me? you're the one who wanted to 'go for a drive' or whatever the hell this is?" i lean forwards in my seat, "you gonna kick me out like you did carol? gonna leave lola an orphan, huh?"
"oh stop that." rick snapped back, waving his hand. i just sarcastically laugh, "look, i'm sorry rick for treating you like shit but i have got my reasons, okay?"
"and what reasons would that be? huh?" he replies back faster than i thought he would, "you're just gonna suddenly, out of the blue, start ignoring me again and have some grudge on me like after the farm? that one i understood but this?! 'the hell is this, nikki? you at least owe me an explanation because you said i could count on you for advice, and about a day later, no? you—you just don't do that, nikki."
his words sunk in quickly to my brain, i didn't really seem to think about how this could impact rick again, and i shouldn't have done what i did. but i had my reasons too, and just being in this car with him made me feel more different than i should about him.
i decided not to reply, and i estimate that about twenty minutes went by of awkward silence before i finally spoke up again. "i'm sorry." i say in almost a whisper, "i—i had my reasons and i know you wanna hear them, but i don't think it's a good idea."
"why not?" rick replies in a stern tone, his eyes still glued to the road. "because!" i shout back, "it just isn't! i shouldn't be feeling this way and neither should you."
the words just slipped out of my mouth on complete accident, shit. with my heart beating in my eardrums i slowly turned my gaze to rick, who was about to reply when suddenly the car started beeping. shit, we're out of gas. and now i'm stuck with this numbskull.
i roll my eyes with a loud groan as the car came to a complete stop, great. this is just fucking great. my confession just accidentally slipped out and now i'm stuck with him. this really isn't my day.
