2nd Chances // Park Jihoon FF

043

Seoyoon's POV

I woke up with an aching head and heart.
I..remember everything.
Why do I have to remember everything..?
Jihoon..
I loved Jihoon.
All the things he said..
He was a liar ever since.
Up until this day, all he did was lie.
My heart hurts so much now that I remember how I felt for him.
It hurts to know I loved him so much.
And now that I remember everything.
Why do I still feel the love?
Why did the feelings come back too?

"Seoyoon-ah.." the sound of Hyunjae's voice rang through my room.
Tears began falling again.
I couldnt look at her.
I couldnt even look at myself.
She slowly approached me and sat beside me on my bed.
She didnt say a word and pulled me into an embrace.
With that, my tears fell uncontrollably.
I cried and cried my heart out to her.
I felt like she was the only one who could sympathize with me as she was the only one real.

"Shh..its okay.." she silently cried to comfort me as well.

-

She sat silently beside me as I calmed down and stared blankly at the ceiling.

"Are you planning on confronting Jihoon?.." she carefully asked.

I dont even know if im able to see him after everything.
Knowing that the memories, the feeling and the pain came back now.
I dont stand a second with him.
But despite everything that I feel, the anger, the hurt.
Why do I still wanna see him?..
Why do I still wanna ask him so much questions?

"Yes."

***

I went to the place where I should've known was the place Jihoon proposed to me.
Just like what Chaeyoung said.
Only this time I knew it was me.
I was that girl.
Which lead me to recall our conversation that day.
I told him..
I told him that despite his mistakes..he should still be forgiven.
It made me wanna take everything back now that I know I was the person he tried to seek forgiveness from.
I couldnt get myself to do it.

"Seoyoon-ah" the person i've been crying about finally showed up infront of me.
I tried my best to look okay.
Even though I was dying inside seeing him.
The pain and anger came rushing back in.

"I came by your work today but they said you were on sick leave. Are you okay?" He concernly asked.
I hated seeing him concern about me.
I wanted to bring my hand to his face.
I wanted to hurt him.
But I had to keep everything in.
I had to show him im okay.

"Hyunjae and I just had too much to drink last night. Couldnt bare the hangover" I fake chuckled.

"Must've had a great night then" he chuckled back.
It was a nightmare.

"You hungry?" He asked with a smile.
With the smile that I fell inlove with.
The smile that I loved seeing
But was now the cause of my pain.

"No. I just want to take a stroll." I smiled to him.
He doesnt notice that I was just forcing myself to face him right now.
I felt bad knowing that im pretending and he's so clueless about it.
But then again, thats what he did.

The walk was pretty quiet as I didnt dare speak a word.
As much as I wanted to be natural, I couldnt get myself to do it.
I was angry, hurt, full of questions, everything.
I was feeling all kinds of emotions.
And now im here with the person that caused the most pain in my life.
How am I suppose to stay strong?

"By the way, I have something to tell you" both he and I said at the same time.
He felt shocked that we both decided to say the same thing at the same time, I mean I was too.

"You go ahead first." I smiled to him.

"Okay well, both Woojin and I finally got to open our own Hotel." He excitedly announced.
Their new hotel..
Thats what Jihoon has always been dreaming of.
To build his own hotel.
He really did got so successful after all these years.

"Thats great! Congratulations!" I happily smiled.
I wasnt being pretentious.
I was really happy for him for achieving his life long dream.

"So, what is it that you have to tell me?" He asked.

I took a deep breath and thought of ways to start.
I didnt want to come off in a bad way.
I just..i just wanted to end everything here.

"Pretty funny actually." I chuckled not looking at him.

"Just say it, you're making me curious" he whined.

"Remember when I told you I wanted to know how my past was?" I asked him.

"Yeah." He replied.
The atmosphere became more serious but Jihoon remained clueless.

"I thought i'd be happy if I finally found out.." I trailed off.

"But why am I not?.." I asked him.
He suddenly stopped at his tracks and I could feel him looking at me.
I slowly looked back, tears began falling as I saw his eyes regretfully looking back at me.

"I remember, Jihoon." I weakly said, keeping a small smile.

"I remember everything.." I began frowning as Jihoon stared at me while tears fell down his cheeks.
His gaze were so apologetic and regretfull.

"Seoyoon I..I can explain-"

"Why did you lie?.." I asked.

"I..I didnt want to.." he replied and took a step forward, trying to reach for me but I took a step back.

"But you still did..all of you did." I cried.

"Seoyoon I didnt have a choice. I wanted to tell you trust me I did." He explained.
He took both my hands and squeezed my hands as tears continuously streamed down his cheeks.

"But you still didnt Jihoon. You.didnt." I emphasized.
Taking both my hands away from his grip.

"I didnt want to lose you.." he cried.

"it was so hard seeing you being taken away from me. I thought if I told you the truth it would push you further away from me-"

"Look where it got you now." I sternly said and finally walked away from him.
I couldnt take another second with him.
I was too hurt and angry to even reason with him.

"Seoyoon please.." he called out.
I didnt look back and continued pouring my tears out as I walked further and further away from him.

My hands were shaking out of anger and my knees were weak having to face the person who caused so much damage to me.
I wanted to shout out.

My life has been a lie.
Everything was so fucked up.
Im fucked up.