2nd Chances // Park Jihoon FF

026

Jihoon's POV

I didnt mean to walk out and lie to her. I didnt mean to make it seem like I was being an asshole to her. I just couldnt take the fact that she was talking about someone else, with me. It felt like I was being stabbed thousands of times just by hearing her confess her true feelings for someone else.
I felt weak in my own knees that not even a proper word could come out of my mouth. All I wanted to do was yell out in pain, I wanted to rage even. Tears couldnt hold back anymore and all I could do was punch the wall infront of me for losing the person I love for the second time. I thought for a second there's a way I could change everything. A way that I could take back what once was mine but everything seemed to be just some kind of a delusion. For a moment I thought I could have her back but then reality hits you with the fucking truth, telling you repeatedly that No! She cant be yours anymore. Fuck!

Why is it so hard to love you Seoyoon?
Why is it so hard to let you go?
Why is it so hard to forget you?
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you hurt me like this?

I sobbed harder thinking about how I couldnt even do anything for her. Someone is hurting the person I love and yet, I couldnt do anything. My knuckles were beginning to bleed but yet I couldnt feel anything, the pain that Seoyoon caused me filled me up so bad that my body rejects any other kinds of pain. Fucking hell!

I just love her so much, its killing me!
My heart hurts so bad.
It hurts and I want it to stop.
How can I make it fucking stop?
How do I unlove Seoyoon?

"Hyung!" I heared Guanlin came rushing to me along with my other friends.

"Jihoon calm down!" Minhyun Hyung yelled out, preventing me from punching the wall once more. I became even more uncontrollable the moment I faced the person who caused all of this to happen.

"This is all your fucking fault!" Without second thoughts, I threw in a punch on his face causing everyone to panic and desperately tried to get me to stop while Minhyun hyung struggled to get back on his feet.

"If only you didnt hide her! I could've had a second chance to make things right for the two of us! I would still be the person she loves!" I sobbed, trying to throw in another punch but awfully failed as the person holding me back was Daniel hyung.

"Fuck you Hyung! FUCK YOU!" I yelled out, giving him two middle fingers.

"Jihoon Stop!" Sungwoon Hyung sternly said.

"Where do you think all of your anger would take you huh?! Would that make Seoyoon come back to you?! Would it?!" He asked, clenching his fists.

"Now you've hurted Minhyun, what else do you wanna happen? Kill him? Go! Do it! If thats gonna make you feel better" he dared, pointing at Minhyun hyung who was still down on the ground.

"Hyung?" Daehwi called out, terrified.

"You would stoop down this low just to get rid of your guilt? Just because of a fucking girl!" He added.

"I love her! That's why! I fucking love her! And yes I would go this far just for her! BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE HER-"

"BUT SHE DOESNT JIHOON! SHE DOESNT LOVE YOU!" He bawled out. Ofcourse that left me speechless. I knew she didnt love me. I knew it all along but I could never get my heart to stop hurting like a bitch everytime I hear or even just think of it.

She doesnt love you.

Do you ever feel the feeling that you cant even do anything anymore. Not even crying could take any of your sorrows away. The feeling of running out of tears to cry and a voice to yell out. You just sit there, lifeless. Wishing that you should've just died since it wouldnt have made much of a difference.

"I know" I weakly said, actually, it more of a whisper and fell to my knees, tears continuously falling.

"Jihoon-ah.." Minhyun hyung reached out and crawled beside me. I was very much infuriated with him but right at this moment, I was too weak to even care.

"Im sorry..im really sorry.." he apologized. I wasnt able to say anything back as I just kneeled with my mind only focused on Seoyoon.

"What's there to be sorry for now? I already lost her completely hyung. I..lost Seoyoon.." I said in despair. Completely weak, with no more air to breath and words to speak.

"Jihoon..its time you forget about her.." Sungwoon Hyung distraughtly said.

"I want to. I really do." I bluntly said. Tears still falling.

"But I dont know how.."

I hate how im so weak in my own knees when I know that Im no longer in the place to be so. Infact, I shouldnt even be like this. I should be okay, I should've already moved on. Its been 2 years. Its been 2 fucking years..

"Take your dad's offer." He adviced. Everyone looked at us confusedly. Including my own twin, woojin.

"Give us a minute" Sungwoon Hyung requested from the guys. They all nodded and went up to Woojin's room.

I was now left with Sungwoon Hyung, the atmosphere awfully awkward. I had finally calmed down and now only felt the actual pain of my knuckles.

"Look at what you're doing to yourself." He scolded but still had a concerned look on his face.

"Its not healthy anymore. You're never going to be okay if you keep this up." He added.

"Take your dad's offer. Go to China."

"You really think that would work?"
I asked.

"Its worth the shot"