2nd Chances // Park Jihoon FF

047

I went out of there as fast as I could.
I didnt wanna see Jihoon neither did I want to talk to anyone else.
I felt like I was stabbed multiple times on my back after Jinyoung chose to understand Jihoon more than me.
Why does it feel like im the one whose wrong?
Like im the one who lied.
I was never even given a chance to speak out for myself.
Everything I felt was neither heared or acknowledged.
Why did Jinyoung do that to me?
Why would Jinyoung do that to me?
Why would he push me to do something he knew I wasnt ready for?
Forgiveness? Fuck that.
How am I suppose to forgive people who took me for a fucking fool?
For 3 fucking years, I was clueless.

"Seoyoon." He ran after me and grabbed my hand as soon as he caught up with me.

"Let me go Jihoon!" I yelled, pushing him away from me.

"Seoyoon please just listen to me." He begged still following behind me.

"What else do you want to say?!" I finally stopped and faced him.
I hated seeing him infront of me right now.
I hate that im being so weak and helpless infront of him.

"What more lies of yours do you want me to believe?!" I added.

"What do you want to say Jihoon?! say it!" I angrily yelled walking closer to him.

"I didnt know you were alive Seoyoon. They hid you from me too." He cried.

"You had your chance Jihoon." I remarked as I clench my fist.

"I did Seoyoon. I took every chance I could to get you back."

"Bullshit Jihoon Bullshit!" I furiously cursed at him.
I was tired. So tired of hearing the same shit over and over again.
The same old fucking reasons all the time.

"If you really wanted me back you wouldn't lie! You wouldn't have played along the game. But you did Jihoon you did!" I cried even harder.
It was so painful.
My heart was hurting so much. So much more than before.
I had reached my limit and im about to explode.
I couldnt take it anymore, I wanted it to stop. But I didnt know how to stop it.

"I was scared to lose you Seoyoon be-"

"You keep saying that!" I yelled out, shaking as I felt so much anger.

"Because its the truth! I didnt want to lose you, I dont want to lose you. This is the whole truth Jihyun." He desperately explained.

"You dont want to lose me? Is that why you left me hanging 3 years ago? Saying you cant marry me when we were just months away to getting married? Is that how you dont want to lose me?!" I finally disclosed the true reasons to my endless heartbreak.
All my memories came back including the day he said he didnt love me enough to marry me.
The day I begged him so hard to not leave me.
The day I risked my life just to get him to love me back again.

"You want to make up for it? Then tell me right now, why?! Why did you leave me?!" I finally asked the question that i've been wanting to ask.

"Because Woojin and Minhyun hyung liked you! They both liked you. I wanted to settle eveything down with them before I marry you. I wanted to live happily with you without worrying about other people getting hurt." He explained as he trembled.
He looked so desperate and miserable.
But I felt even worse.

"I know I shouldn't have left. I know I should've told you before, but at that time I was so confused and I didnt know what to do. I didnt want to pressure you into thinking that you were the cause of our fight. I wanted to face you again and explain when everything was okay. But I was too late because I thought you were dead!"

"for 2 years I thought I could no longer fix whatever was broken between us, that I could never say sorry no matter how much I really wanted to. I was miserable, I missed you every single second. There was never a day I didnt think of you."

I stayed quiet as I listened to the answers i've been longing to hear and understand.
With a heavy heart, I cried to my hearts content.
I knew he was telling the truth.
But I couldnt bring myself to give in, I wanted to believe him. I wanted to.
But my heart cant do it. My heart no longer wanted to be broken.
I wanted to rest as I was tired, physically, mentally and emotionally.
I couldnt take it anymore, so much has happened and I can no longer cope up.

"But believe me Seoyoon. I never stopped loving you." It became even more harder for me to hear him say those words to me.
He came closer to me with his eyes red from crying.
I wanted to cup his face, wipe those tears away.
But I couldnt even do it to myself.
My body was weak and frozen.

"I really..really want to forgive you." I weakly cried.

"But it hurts too much here." I cried as I place a hand on my heart.

"Im sorry Jihoon.." I said before wiping my tears and walked away.

"I love you Seoyoon. please give me another chance." He desperately begged as he ran after me and embraced me from the back.

"Jihoon please.." I implored, as I weakly tried to escape from his grasp.

"No Seoyoon please dont do this. Let me make it right." He held onto me tighter.
Tears continue to fall and all I could do was stand there, crying.
No other words were said and nothing was done.
I was exhausted.

"Jihoon..please..let me go.." I softly cried.
He finally let go of me slowly.
I walked away without giving him a glance.
I knew exactly that if I looked back, i'll run back to his arms.

"Im sorry..." I whispered to myself as I walked further away from him.

I love you too..