2nd Chances // Park Jihoon FF

049

Jihoon's POV

I've never felt so..

Dead...

I didn't feel like my heart was beating. 
I could barely feel my body. 
I just.. I just hate myself so much..
I wish it was me that got hit back then,
I wish it was me who everyone thought that was dead,
I wish I was the one who had an amnesia.

I wish I was dead.

1 punch.
Thats for fucking up so much.

2 punches.
Thats for hurting Seoyoon so much.

3 punches.
That's for losing her.

4 punches.
Thats for being you, you dumbshit!

I continuously punched the wall infront of me, not caring whether it was breaking the wall and my knuckles.
Blood started coming out and stained the wall. 
I don't even know what pain is anymore. 
Anything I do to myself is nothing compared to what I made Seoyoon feel. 
Im worthless and stupid.

"Jihoon, stop it!"

"Jihoon please, stop." A voice that I didn't need to hear spoke and pulled me away from the wall.

"Don't tell me what to do." I yelled and pushed her away from me.

"Jihoon please.." She begged and embraced me from the back.

"It was me..I told Seoyoon everything." She said out of nowhere. 
That's when I started realizing that the person hugging me right now was Chaeyoung.

"You what?" I asked, turning to face her while removing her arms from my waist.

"I told Seoyoon everything. I'm the reason why she remembers." She cried as she confessed.

"Forget it, she was bound to remember anyway, she's gone too." I lifelessly said and walked away from her.

"Jihoon please, Let me be the one to love you." She cried out.

"Choose me instead, please." she desperately begged.  I turned back to see her kneeling down the floor.

"You just don't get it, don't you?" she cried.

"I loved you ever since Jihoon, you were mine first! It was supposed to be you and I. so please.." She cried as she slowly stood up to walk towards me.

"Please love me instead.." She implored.

"Im sorry Chaeyoung. I can't." I apologized to her while removing her hand on mine.

"Why? because of Seoyoon?" She asked, her voice gradually increasing in volume.

"I really don't have the time for this. i'm leaving." I coldly avoided her question and walked away.

"She doesn't love you anymore Jihoon!" I stopped at my tracks as soon as she mentioned the fact that Seoyoon no longer loved me.

I know she does, I believe she still does.

but the pain right now is what's making her say that she doesn't.

"Accept it already! she's not going to love you after what you did." She harshly remarked.

"Then accept that I can't love you back too."

*****

"You're home?" My brother, Jimin Hyung greeted me as soon I entered the house.

"Hyung, what are you doing here?" I asked, surprised.

"Am I not allowed to visit my brother now?" He chuckled, giving me a hug.