DISCONTINUED If Only Memories Could Be Erased(A Shoto Todoroki X Oc Fanfic)

Ch24: Relapse

Shoto's pov

I walked up the stairs of the dorms and over to Tamaki's room, holding a tray with two plates on it. Mr Aizawa managed to get my room right next to Tamaki's so I could help her if she ever needed it. I reached her door and knocked. Instead of footsteps though, I heard scratches at the door. I furrowed my eyebrows but knocked again. The scratching continued until I heard the door click and open slightly. The room was in darkness, curtains drawn and lights off.
"Is something wrong?" Tamaki asked, voice hoarse and eyes trailing down to something I couldn't see.
"I brought food. Since the doctors said its important that you eat to help your body" I explained. She opened her mouth as if to protest then shut it again, slowly opening the door. I quickly found the source of the scratching. A small black kitten with white paws, muzzle, chest and belly with what looked a little like a mustache of black above his mouth where the white was. I placed the tray down and bent down to pet the small Tom. He started to lick my hand, his green eyes closed as he did so.
"He's such a cutie" I smiled, looking at the small Tom.
"Dad said I could only bring one car so I brought Cosmo" she explained.
"Should I turn on the lights?" she added, still not making eye contact. I nodded but my mind was on other things. Tamaki had a habit of avoiding eye contact with someone when something was troubling her or she'd done something that someone would disapprove of. I sat down on her bed and looked at.
"Tamaki. What's wrong?" I asked.
"N-nothing" she denied, fiddling with the sleeves of her shirt. I instantly knew what it was now.
"Tamaki, can I see your arms?" I asked, walking over to her. She backed up slightly, leaning her body over and clutching her hands tightly to her chest.
"My arms are fine" she protested. I sighed.
"Tamaki. I know you fiddle with your sleeves when you've done this. Please let me see" I told her. She gave in pretty easily, her entire body slumping as I picked up one arm and rolled up the sleeve. Covering her arm was brand new cuts which stood out in Scarlet and contrasted greatly with the pale colour of her skin.
"We're going to have to change your shirt, it's covered in blood" I explained. She didn't respond but removed her shirt, quickly wrapping her hands around her torso as if it could cover up how deprived her body was of nutrition. It hurt to see again and I'm positive it was worse than the last time I'd seen I'd seen her without her shirt on. I could make out every rib even clearer than last time, her collarbone was completely viable and her shoulders were jagged.
"Let's get your arms cleaned up" I advised her, leading her to the bathroom that was connected to her room. When I entered, I found the blade she'd used to cut herself with, the wine colored liquid still staining the glistening blade, feeding to small puddles of blood on the tile flooring. I wet a cloth and started to clean the blood of her arms and then disinfecting them. When I looked up, Tamaki just looked so defeated, like she'd been a fight and wasn't able to do what she had to.
"Are you alright?" I asked, rubbing my finger on her hand while using my other to support myself on the edge of the bath. She stayed quite for a second.
"I just feel........ You could do so much better than me" she replied, eyes glazed over as she stared at the floor.
"Why do you think that?" I asked.
"I'm a mess. I can't even go even a few weeks without cutting and...... And......" she trailed off, tightening the grip on her trousers.
"I.... I just feel like there's no point in being here anymore" she Confessed, her head dipping further so her hair would hide her face.
"Why would you ever say something like that?" I asked, my heart aching at the sound of her defeated confession.
"I just..... It hurts..... All the thoughts....... All the pain....... Every time I try to make things better........ They just get worse" she breathed, her voice getting quieter and quieter with every word till I could barely hear her. I squeezed her hand, feeling the tears threaten at the corners of my eyes.
"Don't say stuff like that" I whimpered, biting my lip to try and control myself. She didn't look at me.
"Things don't get better overnight. I understand that. But you can't give up. Not when you've come so far" I explained to her.
"I'm not getting any better! I'm just getting worse! I haven't changed from when I came to U.A except that things have just made it worse!" she yelled, snapping her hand from my grip and intertwining her fingers in her hair.
"Tamaki. Listen..." I tried to calm her.
"No. No! I can't! Everything is just...... Wrong!" she yelled, standing up and shaking her head, her entire body looking ready to collapse at any moment. I stood up and lifted her head to face me. She looked at me with panicked eyes. I brushed black locks aside and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.
"Just calm down. Things will get better, I promise but you need to give them a chance to happen" I assured her, the tears that had been sitting in my eyes slipping down my face.
"I'm sorry. I made you cry" she apologized. I pulled her into a hug.
"It's alright" I assured her, running my hands through her long Ebony locks. She leaned into me, closing her eyes. I smiled down at her and planted another kiss on the top of her head.