DISCONTINUED If Only Memories Could Be Erased(A Shoto Todoroki X Oc Fanfic)

Ch51:

Its my birthday so here's some art and a chapter

Tamaki's pov

It was dark now, the moonlight blocked from entering my room due to my curtains. I checked my phone again. 12. I sat up, rubbing my eyes before looking around the room. They land on the window. Wait, did I remember to lock it. I get out of the bed and walk over to the window, pulling the curtains back slightly. I check to see if the window is locked. It was. I stand staring at the lock on the window before checking it again. Still locked. I turned around before turning back around and checking it a third time. This time I backed away from the window and went back to my bed, sitting in the middle of it while my gaze darted around the room. A creak from outside the room caught my attention and I turned to look at the door. Was it locked. I got up and checked the door. It was locked. My hand hovered above the lock, shaking slightly. I pulled it away and went back to the bed again. The creak returned and I quickly wrapped myself up in the blankets of my bed. I didn't like the creaking. I get up out of my bed again and walk to the bathroom, running the tap and splashing the water on my face. I still felt dirty. It hurt. It hurt to remember. It hurt to just know that it had happened. I looked in the mirror, scanning over every minuet detail. My cheeks were just as jagged as I remember and my eyes looked horribly sunken, the dark bags under them being worse than I'd ever remembered. Why did Shoto say he loves me when I look like this? I'm not appealing to look at and no one would want to be around me for my personality. I was horrible. I fell to my knees, staring at the tiled floor. I wanted to cry but nothing came. I felt empty. Nothing. I had to feel something. I needed to feel something. My gaze traveled around the room until it settled on vent near the bath. I pulled the cover off, the small box that I'd hidden in it still sitting there. I pulled the box out and looked into the box. The blunt object was still in there. I hesitated while staring at it, looking over my shoulder at my bed where my phone sat. I turned back around. It would be horrible to just wake Shoto up for such a mundane reason. He has a future ahead of him. I don't know what I have and in all honesty, it felt like all I had ahead of me was a few months of pain before its ended by me throwing myself off a roof or a bridge. It never mattered what I did, I always came back to where I had began. Sitting in my bathroom with a blade in my hand and blood caked over my arms. It never changed. But this time was different. I wasn't satisfied, even when my whole arms from the wrist to the shoulder was coated in scarlet and the blade glinted with the same red substance. I needed more pain. I deserved more. I was disgusting. I was an embarrassment. I was a lost cause. Before I even knew what was happening, the blade was in my stomach, small trails of crimson flowing down from the small wound like tears. Another soon joined it. And another. Until I finally had enough and stopped, dropping the blade to the floor. It hit the tile and made a loud clang, blood smearing across the white tile. Not like that small smear made much of a difference. There was blood everywhere. I was coated in it. Now the tears came. I reached up to get rid of them, biting my lip to silence any noise that would come from my mouth. I looked down at all the blood that was on me now. It hit hard then. What would dad and Shoto think? They wanted me to stop and I couldn't. He got into my head and now he wouldn't leave. I was starting to feel lightheaded. Not surprised with how much blood I had just let pour out of the cuts. I let my eyes fall shut. Maybe this would kill me. Maybe I'd just never wake up this time. I really was just a lost cause.