Her Euphoria -Lizkook ONGOING April 2023

Him

The pathway ahead of her was barely recognisable as warm salty streaks continued to fall down her now somewhat hollow cheeks, her breathing laboured as she struggled to walk in a straight line. Her feet dragging her in all directions as her brain failed to comply with her legs; everything was in so much turmoil for Lisa. Is this what heartbreak feels like? Not the heartbreak you feel when you have a fight with your best friend, and no the type you feel when failing a test but the real kind. The kind that draws all life from you as your stomach tightens, your legs give way and your heart no longer feels like it is able to fix itself. The kind that destroys all you've known about something, the kind that yields so much power that all it would take is a small interaction for your entire world to stop. Your brain stops as all thoughts fail you, immediately followed by your heart which at that point stops too and your lungs constrict so tightly that breathing becomes far too difficult that the thought of death seems far more appealing than having to deal with what has happened to you to have become so broken. The kind that tears your soul apart from deep within and leaving only an empty shell of an existence in its wake.

How unprepared she was for what she had witnessed.

Lisa knew it would be torture, but she just had to. She was further up the park but she could still see the young couple from where she stood, feet planted firmly on the cobbled pavement they too also unwilling to move. They were still talking and laughing softly, and she watched as Jungkook seemingly became shy as he lowered his gaze to the floor but not without Lisa witnessing him smiling. His soft lips upturned on the corners in a soft smile before pulling his lower lip in between his teeth, something he only did in the company of Lisa when they were alone and he would do this just before planting kisses all over her face. She stood and watched as Jungkook started running his hands up and down his jean clad thighs before looking directly to Iu's face as he took hold of the mobile phone that was extended to him and began typing away shortly handing it back to Iu. Lisa could only hazard a guess that she had asked for his number and Junkook had readily and willingly given it to her without any hesitation or pause not surprising Lisa in the slightest; she was after all HIS Iu.

The blinding intense pain she felt at that moment consumed her tormented senses crushing her heart and unable to tear her eyes away from the scene in front of her she took an unsteady step back.

Then another step.

And another.

Before she knew it she was running with no direction but the scene was already burned into her memory and no matter how far she ran it was still there taunting her at what she was responsible for. If only she had communicated with him.

Lisas legs eventually gave out as her breathing became laboured causing her to fall onto her hands and knees her head bowed as she struggled to take a deep breath. Raising a shaky hand she began to wipe tendrils of wet hair from her face removing her mask in an attempt to draw a deep breath. Her eyes shut so tight she was unable to stop the barrage of tears now flowing freely and she lowers her hand to clutch itself to her chest grabbing a fistful of fabric before hitting her chest trying to calm her broken senses but to no avail as her hand moved further up scratching at the neckline of her hoody yanking it away from her feeling as though she were about to choke. Her body feels heavy but she can't seem to move, her free hand still supporting her bodyweight she gives in and slowly lowers herself to the grass welcoming the coldness it offered not realising how pitiful she appeared to passerbys who did nothing to comfort the young woman.

From the depth of her soul she could feel the pain consuming every fibre of her being and the burning flames of love once smouldering embers were now faded and cold. She could not stop herself from curling into a tiny ball not wanting to move as her small frame began to shudder from the overwhelming feelings threatening to make her pass out.

The only semblance of comfort she felt; if it can be called that, was that she was alone and she didn't have to fake an "I'm ok unnie, don't worry about me". Jisoo had become increasingly worried over Lisa's changing appearance over the past couple weeks that her attempts at hiding in her room was becoming somewhat of a task as her members were relentless with their multiple sessions of nagging almost begging Lisa to remove herself from the dorm to get some fresh air having noticed her room had taken on a musky odour having been deprived of air for well over a week. Jisoo had offered to accompany Lisa on an impromptu walk but Lisa softly declined preferring instead to continue her bubble of isolation and solace on her own; even if she had to exit her room to do so. She would do this small gesture for the girls hoping to appease them for a while until she can return to her room and hide away under the darkness and protection of her blankets.

Lisa had expected the fresh air would be a small welcome relief to her saddened mind and soul but it had done little other than to cause more pain, but she was not blind to the part she played in her own pain and she knew it was wrong to allow her feelings of doubt affect her relationship with Jungkook. A small rock in the grass dug into her side forcing her to turn her now stiff body onto her back now looking up into the clear night sky. The pain of the small rock paled to the matters of her heartbreak and in a cruel twist she welcomed the pain, she deserved it only she wished it were a bigger rock with a much sharper and pointy end. Her eyes slowly adjusted to the sky taking in the sprawling of twinkling lights littered all across the darkness above her, however, her eyes were still shedding tears but at a much slower pace allowing her to breathe a little better than earlier. She didn't know what to do next, where she should go, what she should do and more importantly, when she should finally talk with Jungkook even though she felt like dying, she knew it had to be done. There was no way they could continue their relationship until Jungkook figured out who he really wanted to be with, because from what Lisa had seen and had tried so very hard not to see was that Jungkook was lying not just to Lisa, but also to himself. Iu was not a simple idol crush, he was very much in love with Iu and Lisa witnessed it first hand. If only she had not let herself become completely immersed in his love she would be better equipped to deal with the emotional heart wrenching turmoil she was experiencing at the moment and she wasn't entirely too sure if it was something she would want to experience again, or at the very least in the near future.

Lisa felt drained as she attempted to stand on shaky legs, her emotions laying exposed like an open wound at her feet as she decides to make her way home having made a small plan, one to surely change everything forever. If she backed out now she would only be allowing herself to suffer more heartache and she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to take more emotional beatings of the heart, she didn't deserve it and neither did Jungkook. It was a small grace that their relationship was unknown to the wider idol community and that only their group members knew of their coupling. It saddened her immensely that this is what the culmination of everything and she only hoped that Jungkook would understand and forgive her even if she felt that he would be ok given that he had probably given his number to Iu. Lisa was the only female who was privy to that information but now there was someone else.

There was a someone before there was a Lisa.

"Lisa-shi?"