Her Euphoria -Lizkook ONGOING April 2023

Clarity

Ever since her breakup with Jungkook Lisa had thought long and hard about her relationship with him and often questioned whether leaving him was the right thing to do. Although their relationship was only known to a handful of people, they had an affinity with each other that seemed to transcend that of many other couples.

She missed him terribly and the natural draw they had to one another when they were apart. She knew in her heart that Jungkook felt every inch of the breakup just as much as she did and she still had not completely come to terms with his absence from her everyday life. But he readily accepted and took something from her that she had freely given him out of love.

Lisa grew up a carefree child, shielded from all the cruelties of the world and it wasn't until she had arrived in South Korea to begin her training that she realised how small her world was in Thailand. In Seoul she lived and breathed the life of a trainee along with her members, and her eyes were exposed to the harsh reality of the cut throat regime as every person was out for survival.

She saw many trainee hopefuls throw away friendships for the sake of advancing further and she had witnessed the heartbreak of those who were asked to leave after months or years of trying their best despite receiving praises.

There was an element of trust placed into each other to always be happy for those who passed assessments, and to leave with no regrets or ill feelings.

Lisa had learnt very early on that to protect herself from being disappointed it was best to lean on her closest of friends and to keep her circle small. That way there was little chance of her being hurt if she was asked to leave, or worse, if any of her members were told to leave. She trusted very few people since then and it had stayed that way ever since their debut because she didn't see the point of being an open book, leaving a small part of herself open to scrutiny and the judgement of those who knew nothing of her.

The boys of GOT7 had settled into a quiet nap when Lisa made herself comfortable in her seat. After requesting a blanket from the flight attendant and pulling her oversized fleece jacket over her small frame she too settled back to enjoy the still quiet of the plane as she looked out the small window into the darkness of the night sky. She imagined white puffs of soft dreamy clouds spread out beneath the plane like a soft mattress enticing her to close her eyes and dream of moon crescent eyes under a flop of hair, bunny teeth smiling at her as his eyes shone brightly into hers.

Bam and his members had done an excellent job of keeping her occupied that she hadn't once thought about Jungkook until now. But that is what life is like for her when it comes to him, he would be out of sight and mind and suddenly without warning he's in her head again, and it has always been that way.

Tiny droplets appear on her lashes as she thought about him and the trust she had placed in him. He took her tightly guarded trust, something that Lisa had always treasured and valued above all else and rather than move slowly to discover what he felt for IU, he went full throttle and kissed her.

He barely constrained himself long enough for Lisas sake, and she felt cheated that he didn't fight harder for her, for them. Yes, she broke up with him but, she wasn't expecting a kiss of all things, and more than anything she wished that she hadn't given so much of herself and her trust to him. She was frustrated and hurt that she didn't know what to expect and Lisa couldn't help but blame herself for Jungkook kissing her, but she knew that going backwards wasn't an option for her right now.

Her heart still hurt for him and she longed for him like an open wound threatening to tear itself open again to expose all it's ugly pain, but she didn't want to cry anymore. She had hid away in her bedroom long enough, she had to leave Korea to heal again, even if it was for a short break, she had to start healing in a place that felt secure, honest and loving; her homeland where her parents, family and friends were. The very people she trusted with her life, the same trust she had once placed in Jungkook.