Her Euphoria -Lizkook ONGOING April 2023

Together

The air in his room hung with a deathly silence, an occasional sniff the only sound breaking the comforting quiet as he sat at the edge of the unmade bed, his back facing the door trying to block out what lay behind it.

The World. The one where Lisa didn't need him, where Lisa survived without him, where it appeared that she had seemingly moved on and was doing fine without him.

Tears continued to fall and in his head he continued to berate himself for being anything less than a man who could not see the real love that he once held in the palm of his hand.

He eyed the bandage wrapped around his bleeding fist, the once white fabric had turned crimson as the cuts beneath it had now stopped bleeding.

His brain refused to register the numbing pain of the injuries, but took great delight in reminding him that the Lisa he saw earlier that evening had danced in front of thousands of watching eyes, in another man's arms.

He thought she was magnificent and he was immensely proud of her and he wished he could tell her that. He wished he could say the words that his soul has been dying to say to her for weeks now.

Lisa had always been his euphoria, but the realisation came far too late and he hated himself for not protecting her the way she deserved.

He had made her cry time, he had broken her heart and his severance was a heartbreak as equally damaging as the one he himself had caused her.

His eyes shut tightly at the steady flow of tears as her image came into his mind.

Lisa had done something no one in kpop had ever done before, she made herself completely open to the entire nation that night.

The blindfold allowed him to see her at her weakest, to watch her display of vulnerability as her arms reached out seeking the unknown and he wondered if Lisa was looking for him.

Her tiny balled fists showing her anxiety and anger, the turns and spinning of her body and the wild display of fabric from her dress wrapping itself around the length of her body as she twisted and turned around the stage as her dance partner moved around her, just out of her reach.

It made him insanely jealous that he couldn't be the one to catch her, to run his hand slowly down her leg to raise it and move it to wrap around his hips, drawing her closer body closer to his.

The memories were playing a cruel repeat of the night and he could do little to stop the growing pain behind his eyes as his head began to take on a slow thump.

He knew Yoongi was outside his door, he could practically hear the worried thoughts of his hyung permeating his bedroom door. He loved his hyungs and he knew they were worried, but he didn't want to see anybody.

He didn't want to explain why his room resembled the aftermath of a Tornado, or why his favourite picture of him and Lisa was lying on the floor covered in shards of broken glass smeared with blood.

He didn't want to feel like he had to justify his emotions, but most of all, he didn't want their pity.

The only thing he wanted and needed was probably having a great time celebrating her wonderful performance by having dinner and drinks with him; JB.

It was all too much for Jungkook as he glanced at Lisa's bear resting on his pillow, it's cold plastic eyes glaring back at him with as much disdain as an inanimate object could.

He wouldn't blame the bear if it hated him, if anything he hated himself just as much, if not more.

The sun was setting and the dimming light of the disappearing day peeking through the small gaps of his blinds were casting long dark shadows across the walls; shadows that matched his mood.
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