ICE COLD | billie eilish

17 | a striking angel

"Billie?"

There Billie was, looking fine with her black hair in a ponytail and hoops. Geez. And she was dressed in all white everything which was once again a distraction. She looked a bit hesitant, which was unlike her, and maybe a little nervous. It made me just want to hug her and beg for us to be, well, us again.

"What- What are you doing here?" I mentally slapped myself for asking such a stupid question, it's her room too.

Billie looked down and kicked the ground repeatedly with her sneaker. "I came to apologise," she mumbled so quietly like a stubborn toddler and I nearly burst out crying at the sight.

She was willing to apologise after I was the one who inflicted the most hurt? Wow. And as far as I knew, Billie Eilish apologised to no one, ever. Why was I so different than everybody else?

The moment was ruined when Aspen whistled. "Damn, I ain't never heard of Eilish apologising to anyone, bro." She was leaning lazily back on my bed with her eyebrows raised in shock.

Billie lifted her head up and the icy death stare was back, directed at my new friend.

"Aspen," I gave her look and nodded to the door.

She raised her hands in defence and got up. "Alright, alright I'll go. See ya later Santa baby." Aspen shot Billie a sheepish smile who glared right back before ducking out the door way and leaving.

Billie slowly walked into the room and shut the door. Chore period was finally over so there'd be no more teachers roaming the halls like rats and the door could finally be locked.

I patted the space next to me and she sat down silently, looking at her hands. She finally looked up at me intensely and I sucked in a breath.

I thought I was used to looking into her eyes and seeing how captivating and mesmerising they were, but I guess that the literal one day that I didn't see them affected me more than I thought.

Today they were so deep and velvety, like blue chocolate. I just wanted to drown in the colour of her eyes right then and there. That was the most beautiful they'd ever been, looking back. I also thought they were the best I'd ever seen them because for the first time I could see more than one or two emotions in her orbs. I saw a whole river of them. It was breathtaking because she looked so genuine, so human, so real.

"I'm so sorry, Santana. That this even happened. I should've ne-" I cut her off by putting my finger against her lips softly. I got aquaphor on my finger and smiled.

"No Billie, I... I should be apologising to you. All those things I said, I didn't mean any of it. It was lies and anger that I projected onto you because I felt like I was being controlled, when I know you were only trying to protect me." My session with Helen made me realise all of this only like an hour ago, I was just waiting for an opportunity to tell her all this.

Billie took my hands in her's and squeezed them gently. "I was only trying to protect you from Jane because... Santana, she's an active unpredictable mass murderer."

I gasped and Billie nodded silently. "What?"

"Jane Emily's dad abused her from a young age, so she developed a hatred for men. And when she came to this school and started leading 53-13, her gang... well they started to kill off the boys here. You know how there's very little boys in this school? Yeah well there used to be more but 53-13 have been killing them for almost a year now.

"Remember when I went to put Kayla in that closet?"

I recalled that night when we went to the ancient hallway deep in the south and Billie left to place her there and then she came back all shaky. "Yeah," I breathed.

"I accidentally found the closet where they store all the bodies. That's why I was so... y'know."

I just kept blinking in shock because this was a lot to take in. It'd be hypocritical of me to judge Jane-Emily, but I can't say I wasn't surprised. She was such a frail looking girl with her baggy clothes and sunken eyes- I just didn't expect it, at all.

"I just wanted you to stay away from her because although she kills boys, Jane is a loose cannon. I've seen her kill someone that she likes for no reason. If you had gotten all cosied up with her, who knows what would've happened to you."

"Oh my god," I whispered. "Billie I am so sorry, I-" My heart couldn't take it anymore and I broke down crying. She pulled me reassuringly into her whispering that it was ok.

I couldn't believe I pushed her away when she really did have my best interests at heart. I really didn't deserve her.

I hugged her tight and buried my head in the crook of her neck. I missed her scent of warm husky vanilla, and the way her soft hair felt on my skin. I missed how tight she would hug me back, and how she'd make it feel like she was never letting go.

"I like you, Billie," I mumbled into her hoodie. Maybe it was even more than like. Maybe it was love.

Billie froze and pulled me back by the shoulders. I was expecting to be completely rejected, but was taken aback to find a breathtaking, dazzling smile on her face. Her face was so happy that she looked unrecognisable. An angel. A beautiful, striking angel.

She did something so uncharacteristic of her that I was so sure this was the real Billie, and all those other times had been not completely genuine.

Billie jumped on me with so much joy spreading from her I couldn't help but smile too. Her entire upper body cover mine as we fell back on my bed and her hair tickled my face.

"I really like you too, San."

I saw the child in her get pulled out from being chained up for so long and it was beautiful to see. Her eyes were completely open and inviting, no emptiness, just emotion.

I was taken away with awe.