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a year and 2 months later
"I'm telling you, you just turned 19 and after this huge bombshell that's been dropped on you..." Lola sighed, her feet dangling off my bed. "I don't know man, you need this."
I turned to face her. "Lola, the last thing I need is to go to a party." I made a face. "Wouldn't exactly be the best example for my new sibling, would it?"
"Stop whipping out the sarcasm and listen," she said putting down her phone.
"Your mom just gave birth and you're not happy about it. Understandable. But that doesn't mean you should lock yourself in this apartment and mourn like a boring widow."
I gave her a look. "I'm not doing that."
Lola threw up her hands. "Then why haven't you left this place in like, three days?"
I shrugged and continued to brush my now brown hair. I died it a year ago when I was still in LA and going through a hard time.
"Babe, it's a New York roof party! Nothing's gonna get you going and back to your old self more than this will."
I huffed. "I have nothing to wear."
She rolled her eyes for the trillionth time. "Excuses. Your closet could clothe like 5 New York Fashion Weeks and you know it." She said pointing at it accusingly.
"It's a chill party with some really interesting people, on a roof! I swear you love them."
"Okay fine, I'll go. I can't take anymore of your annoying voice." I teased.
Lola threw a pillow just missing my head. "You're gonna thank me one day."
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"Name." The security guard said.
"Santana Angeles, and this is my plus one." I pointed at Lola.
He looked at our ID's then nodded briefly, letting us pass.
I adjusted my clothes self consciously, kinda scared to turn the corner where everyone else was. Lola read my mind, side hugging me. "Don't worry San, you look like a bad bitch. Own it."
I was wearing a red long sleeve bodysuit with black jeans and sneakers. My multiple ear piercings I got a couple months ago were on display and my dark wavy hair was curled in a half up style. When I left LA for New York my style matured a little so I didn't look like a troubled teenager, which is what I was.
It's what we all were, but leaving that environment finally exposes you to the real world, where you can't kill when someone annoys you; and you can't disregard the law.
I'm not who I used to be, I'm different now. Everyone who came from that place is.
Lola took my hand and led me further into the party. I wish I could be as confident as she is all the time.
New York at night is beautiful. At least to me. The roof we were on overlooked all the bright lights shining in the dark from below. The roof itself was very big decorated with coloured fairy lights and filled nicely with about 100 people. It wasn't a raging party like the ones I was used to in LA, it had a more chill vibe to it.
The truth is that I hadn't been to a party since my 18th birthday, I just tended to avoid them because of circumstances beyond me. With so much shit piling on top of me; especially now since my mom had given birth to a baby boy with her prick of a husband Bart; the reality is I was drowning.
The last time I'd been on a roof I was seriously contemplating ending it all; with no one special in my life ( Lola is great but she doesn't count ) , what did I really have to live for? If anything I'm glad I didn't do it, cause I got to see this beautiful view at least once.
"Do you want a drink?" Lola asked me already walking off. I nodded absentmindedly, my attention preoccupied with something else. I walked into a more secluded area, that was semi hidden from everything else. The ledge looked really appealing to me; I wasn't gonna jump or anything, just sit on it and think about nothing like I used to.
I put my purse on the ground, carefully swinging my legs over and grinning at the familiar rush I was feeling. I missed this. I guess some feelings never get old.
I closed my eyes, for however long, sensing the wind brushing against my skin invitingly. It must've been a while because when I opened them again someone was sitting next to me. I definitely lost track of time, and everything else because I didn't even notice them.
They had a hood on, but I wasn't really interested in seeing their face. I just wanted to be alone, like always. But their shoes... caught my eye. Small feet, Gucci shoes, laces on the verge of coming undone.
My eyes watered either from the wind or the flood of memories crashing through the dam I tried to strengthen for over a year. "Billie?" My voice was small and carried away into the night. What was wrong with me? Of course it wasn't her, it couldn't be. I had accepted a long time ago that no matter how much I thought about her, she wasn't coming back. So I stopped thinking about her.
I stopped trying to find her in every face I passed. So why after all this time was I trying to self sabotage all the progress I'd made; from being that broken 18 year old with nowhere to go to who I was now?
They lifted their bright green manicured hands and pulled down the hood, turning to look at me. I always thought the next time I'd see those clear, crystal, damn blue eyes it'd be in some other life.
I was wrong.
end.
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I'm not gonna say much, but I love all y'all for supporting this book the way you have, I cannot express how much it means.
in saying that, thank you
(there is a sequel however for the time being it is unpublished)
