ICE COLD | billie eilish

27 | heaven and hell pt I

y'all really stay reading this shit and not voting 😭

"This is Landon and Chris," I waved at the two boys across from me as Aspen finally finished introducing all her friends. It's nothing to do with her, I was just super ready to let loose and forget all my problems, with the help of alcohol.

My third glass of weak punch swished around lamely in my hand making me frown. "'Scuse me y'all," I said quickly, relieved to finally be leaving the boring couch.

I pushed my small body through the crowds of sweaty, dancing teens. It crossed my mind how entirely different this situation could be. If Billie were here she'd have her hand securely wrapped around my wrist, or my waist; she'd be in front of me pushing people away so they never touched me. She would look back at me with her stormy blue eyes and smile. And I'd smile back.

I felt an unfamiliar hand grab my wrist and I yanked it away, turning around to see Landon, I think. I was slightly tipsy so my memory wasn't 100% there.

He gave a small smile. "Hey, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Don't worry about it," I turned back around and unsurprisingly he followed me.

I arrived to my destination which was the bar and sat down on a stool. I grinned happily when I saw that there were shot glasses and the like within arms reach. Landon sat down next to me, like right next to me and leaned on the table.

I sighed. "Listen, Landon... right?"

He nodded.

"I should tell you that I'm taken, actually..." I figured I might as well mention it now before anything else.

Landon smirked slightly. "I know." He reached across me, his arm lightly brushing my chest to grab a stack of shot glasses and a bottle of Balkan 176. Well I'm getting fucked up tonight, that's for sure. "Shots?"

"You betcha."

2 minutes later I'd done 5 tall shots of some of the strongest vodka I'd tried. And trust me, as a rich girl with daddy issues, I'd tried a lot of em.

I couldn't really remember but I think Landon only did 2, or was it 4? As I said, I couldn't remember. He passed me a solo cup filled with clear liquid.

"It's weaker, but it'll keep you going. I'm guessing you want to get wasted tonight, right?" Landon's eyes twinkled as he stared at me.

I nodded my head. Maybe too many times. "Absolutely I do. M-My girlfriends being an ass, and I need to get drunk so I won't cry."

"Ah." He nodded. "Well, that's Billie for you."

I'm sure I'd seen Landon in the group of boys Billie liked to hang out with, but she'd never introduced me to him.

I felt tears prick my eyes. "Can we maybe st-stop talking about her? I'm not here for that."

Landon nudged the cup in my hand, telling me to drink up. "So you're an emotional drunk, huh?"

I downed the cup swiftly and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "Not tonight, I'm not. Come on," I grabbed his solo cup that he hadn't touched, then his hand and pulled him to the dance floor.

I danced for what felt like days, though in reality it was only a couple hours or so. The alcohol had hit me full force; who knows how many mystery bodies I grinded and danced on. I consumed more alcohol than I ever had before. I drunkenly said yes to all the things I shouldn't have, like extreme beer pong and more shots.

I did all things Billie wouldn't approve of.

And it made me feel weirdly satisfied. I guess you don't realise how draining it is to date someone like her. At times I felt like... all my energy was being drained by one person. But other times I was on a cloud, high off her energy. Maybe we were draining each other. Maybe.

I loved Billie, and loving her meant loving all her flaws too, right? I don't know anymore.

I was completely gone. The time was fast approaching 2am. Or maybe it wasn't. I couldn't tell what time it was to be honest. Everything was blurry and swaying, even as I was laid sideways on a couch.

The party ended ages ago but I was too drunk to walk back. I would've tried my best to ask Landon to take me back but he disappeared after giving me his hoodie.

I was drifting in and out of sleep, the room was dark and the sound of other passed out people snoring on the floor was strangely soothing. I could feel my high coming off and the makings of a killer headache beginning.

My thoughts, or dreams I guess, were of a pair stormy blue eyes blinking at me. I smiled drowsily and reached out to caress the face dominating my sleep. My hand touched skin and I marvelled at how real this dream felt.

The persons nude manicured hand gently grabbed my own and squeezed, kinda hard. "Heyyy, that hurt," I slowly spoke. The people my imagination makes sure are mean.

"Yeah, I know babygirl. You need to wake up," the person said. I felt my eyes flutter shut again (I didn't realise they were open in the first place) and they sighed.

I felt a hard grip on my inner thigh and a harsh voice in my ear. "Wake the fuck up, seriously. I'm not playing right now Santana."

I guess my consciousness finally realised that I wasn't dreaming and I woke up.

I felt extremely awake for the first time all night, it was hard not to be with Billie's nails digging slightly into my skin, and the unfriendly stare she was giving me.

"You're hurting me." I said. She immediately let go, her eyes softening. I watched her run her hands through her messy but perfect hair, while her body language showed she was clearly frustrated. Possibly angry.

part one.

also, how did you like this chapter? please tell me so I can improve on anything❥

🦋.