ICE COLD | billie eilish

32 | a breath away

you're all precious 🥺 I luv ya

"Well," I said slowly, avoiding her eyes and picking at a loose thread. I sighed helplessly. I didn't know what to say, now that we were actually talking about it.

Billie licked her lips in patience and looked away from me. She knew I didn't know what to say, that's why she was looking at her nails the way she does all the time when she's waiting for something. Her attention was still on me though.

"Take your time," she murmured gently. Her eyes found mine again as she got comfortable. As intimidating as she acted, Billie was truly the most caring person I'd ever met.

"Okay," I said. "Well, you don't seem as upset anymore?"

Billie shrugged indifferently. "What do you want me to do? I've accepted it San."

I blinked. That kinda hurt. "Oh. So you're fine with breaking up with me, then?"

"Who said anything about breaking up?" Billie said completely calm. I studied exactly how she looked in that moment: no trace of sadness on her beautiful face, open inviting eyes glowing brightly in the dark car. I watched her mouth twist into a smirk and her eyes light up as she teased me, "What, you tryna get rid of me?"

I couldn't help the relief that flooded my body. "Oh. Of course not, I just thought-"

"Yeah well that wasn't smart, was it?" Billie grinned at me.

I blushed and slapped her lightly. "Stop."

"What about you? How do you feel and all that shit?" She said rolling her pale blue eyes slightly. I laughed at her obvious inability to be 100% emotionally connected to the conversation.

"Um, I don't know. I guess I'm just scared you'll move on. Even if you do say we're not breaking up." I said, but halfway through she started shaking her head. Her hoops swung a little as her head moved repeatedly and the few chains she wore today made a soft tinkling sound.

"Nope. Never."

I sighed. "C'mon Billie, you know it could-"

"Baby, trust me when I say that that will never happen." Billie shrugged refusing to see where I was coming from.

"I wouldn't be mad if you did. I'm just saying I wouldn't blame you-"

"Okay, I officially hate this conversation." Billie placed her finger on my lips unsuccessfully shushing me. When I didn't stop talking her hand found it's way to my neck. "Shut up, seriously." It wasn't threatening or anything, just a way to grab my attention.

Her brows were furrowed and her eyes watched my lips in frustration as I felt the familiar pressure on my throat. It was cute but intimidating at the same time, the way she focused all her attention on my mouth so I'd stop talking. She concentrated so heavily that I couldn't find it in me to ignore her.

I rolled my eyes at the fact that she could control my every move if she wanted and she knew it. This prompted her to tighten her hold. She dislikes it when I do that. That's why I do it. "I literally hate you." I said.

Billie perked a single eyebrow at my words. "Santana, stop being a little bitch before I actually fuck you in the backseat harder than you can take." Her voice hardened. "Now let me speak."

When she talked like that it accomplished nothing but making me horny, but okay.

She dropped her hand finally and held mine instead.

"You shouldn't think that I'm going to find some other girl and replace you." Billie squeezed my hand familiarly. "You're my forever, so I could never do that."

"I'm not being funny but who else is gonna let me choke them randomly because it gives me great masochistic pleasure? That's right, no one." Billie smiled cheekily. Her smile was nothing short of mesmerising even in the dark. And the way her words were laced with a dangerous laugh I craved everyday.

"Even if we break up - which will never happen," I fought the urge to roll my eyes at her possessive tone. "I'll always love you and no one else." She intertwined our fingers and suddenly pulled me closer by our hands. Billie's face was a breath away from my own; I was practically on the edge of the car seat but that didn't matter.

Her small nose touched my own but our lips were millimetres away from kissing. The air was thick with sexual tension that Billie seems to bring around with her everywhere she went. I wanted her to crash her lips onto mine and do as she pleased with me; Billie was excellent at reading my mind, so she could obviously tell what I wanted her to do. But Billie does what she wants to do, not anybody else.

So instead of kissing me she licked her lips slowly, her eyes flicking to my own mouth before scamming my eyes again, a satisfied smirk on her face. Satisfied she had me right where she wanted. I watched her pull back a little only for her lips to find my neck where she kissed gently.

"I love you," in between every word she left my skin burning with a kiss. Billie pulled back from me and observed the way I was melted at her simple touch. My mind rejected the thought of her pulling away so I pulled her back.

Billie laughed quietly. "I'm not going anywhere, baby." She squeezed my hand in reassurance never letting go, and leaned back in her seat with her eyes closed. I could see the pain on her face though as we both heard the unspoken sentence between us.

But I am.

"So, is all that cool with you?" Her thumb wrote invisible words on my skin. I could tell as it's movements were very specific. I think one of them was 'my everything' but I can't be sure as she moved her thumb too quickly.

I didn't say anything, instead began to nod but laughed quietly when she frowned with her eyes still closed. "Yes, sorry I'll use my words. I'm fine with that Billie."

In response I felt my hand squeezed one last time. She let go to start the car, her bright eyes open again and focused on the road.

"Why are you so possessive, damn," I whined touching my neck.

Billie kept her eyes on the road. "Do you actually want me to stop this car right now and fuck the dumb bitch out of you?" She laughed as the mood lightened - there's only so much vulnerability she can show at a time.

"Hey! I'm not dumb, just cause I'm blonde," I mumbled, my cheeks red. It was embarrassing to admit I loved when she talked to me like that. "But n-no thanks, I'd rather not do it here."

"Stop talking then, and I might just do it in our room instead."

excuse this low quality ass chapter