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'Love' was a foreign word for him. Something that all others can feel except him. A sorrowful space of emptiness and he is stuck in. Floating. Alone. Nobody can fullfill his little dream of a thing called love, leading up being frustrated and with the question 'why'. Why is he like this? Why isn't he able to feel the warm and comfy feeling inside his heart, when he likes somebody? Everyone of his friends were able to experience it and he asked them multiple times, how he could also have something like that.
Und now he was sitting near his desk, starring at the screen that was illuminating red wich was supposed to be blood. Cuts. Wonderful, little masterpieces. Every of these people were artists. Each one of them had their own way to express pain. Doesn't matter if the cuts are deep or just barely visible, he likes everyone of them, because he is able to feel affection from them. Deep affection. He always asked himself why seeing other people when they cut themselvers or walking by with bruises to calm him down. It gave him a reason to smile. Mostly excitment.
Just by the excitement caused by the cuts, his heart started to pound faster. Cute cuts. He closed his eyes and continued smiling. Amidst the exitment his mind drifted away. Not because of the pictures on his computer screen but of the fact, that nobody will ever love him the way he is. There are some people wich confessed to him. Every one with that 'fluffy cloud nine' feeling of love inside of them. Unfortunalety, noboy was able to deal with him for long. He wanted to be a good boy and tried to believe that someday somebody will show him what it's like to be in true love. However it never happend.
Sometimes, he imagined that he could tell somebody about this. The problem with the cuts and all. Maybe there was somebody out there, who actually feels the same that he is. He never told anybody of it. Neither his friends. But who actually tells their friends, that they are into edgeplay? Nobody. So he kept silent. All of his exes were innocent and held peace in their eyes. Too much purity for his taste. They would never know, how it would feel, when the urge to see blood on other people is triggered. He tried to find someone on a dating app with those exact features but all they wanted was fuck.
But he wanted somebody who can understand his love for edgeplay and who deeply loves him.
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Well, this is my writing style. Idk if it's bad or good :'D
