Felixity (Chanlix FF, english)

-xXChapter 26Xx-

For a short time Felix thought of messaging Chan and telling him not to meet him. Felix felt like dying. His love for Chan grew with every second more painfully even though he needed to stop loving him. It's not just this. It's also the argue with his mother. Problems drown him out, robbing all the air out of him and left him breathless. He started at the screen with the latest message of Chan. Should he say no? It was better for him and his heart but still he want to meet him so badly, escaping in a warm hugh and pressing his body against his. Would Chan cheer him up, if he would tell him, what has been stucked in his  head lately? About the arguement with his mother? About his broken heart made by him? Agood friend would cheer him up but Felix still thought of the conversation with him the last night. It was like Chan was enjoying him crying. 

Felix texted Yunmin instead and told him, he should say 'it's for a schoolproject' if his mother called at him. Yunmin didn't knew why Felix wanted this favour but he will do it. A bit later Chan messaged at him, telling him a time, when they would meet at Levanter. He was fine with it. It wasn't that late but Felix wouldn't be able to sleep anyway that early. With his broken heart carrying inside his chest, he was looking at the mirror and checked out, if he looed okay with the tight ripped jeans. He went outside the door, without telling it his mother. She would not let him go after the thing with the wall.

Felix knew exactly where the bar was, so it didn't took long for him reaching it. Even on workdays the bar was pretty full and most of the customer where students, who are visiting the college a few miles away from here. They spent the last hours of the days sitting here, while drinking something and chatting with their friends. Felix saw Chan and damn he looked so good. Chan's beauty was the brightest thing in here. Felix heart skipped a beat and he didnt knew it was possible. His heart was still broken and it means it can't work then. Didn't turned out like this. Felix heart is still working and he felt betrayed by it. His heart was not allowed to function like this. Felix approached Chan and sat next to him on the big black couch. It was comfortable.  With Chan being so next to him even more. „Hey. I am glad you came. I was afraid, that you don't want to see me anymore." Yes, I would do it, if I can but sadly I am way too attached to you. „No...don't worry...we are friends...right?" Speaking it out, hurted Felix in another level. He will always be just Chan's friend. „Yes, we're friends. Hey...you look very sad...did something happen today? Do you wanna drink something? I will pay for it. You can order everything you want". Chan smiled at him, trying to calm him down. If he could just touch him. It would make Felix feel much better.„Don't worry...everything is alright. I just want... a melon lemonade...I guess...if it's okay...." „Yes, it is." Chan waved at a worker and ordered one melon lemonade. „The reason why I wanted to see you is Minho. I have to tell you something and you're the only one I could tell...." Felix knew it. It was always Minho. From dusk to dawn. Minho. Lee fucking Minho. Was it a revenge for killing him? It has to be, because Minho made everything much worse. Minho won't leave him alone. He won't leave Chan alone. It was like the dead boy cursed them and there was no escape from it. Felix will always see him inside his inner eye. I hope you're fucking happy, because I feel worse.

 And Felix was not the only one, who felt like this. Chan was starting to hate himself. He always felt like, that he was shit but after Minhos dead he reached the final station. Chan haven't slept the last days at all and it's all because of Minho. Chan was a real monster. Just because he was not normal. Yes, he felt like a monster because he lovedit, when others are broken and hurt themselves because of him. Chan watched at Felix, wich was looking like something very worse was going on in his life. He felt sorry because he was such a worse human being who was graving for Felix tears and pain. I am sorry, Felix. „It might sound weird..but I have never loved Minho....I just liked his body....and now I can't apologize to him....what should I do, Felix? What can I do to make me feel better? Because....tobe honest...I really don't feel this well....".

What? He never loved Minho? Why did he say it just now? Chan must feel like shit. The whole time. Why haven't he noticed any of it? Right, because he was in pain. „Really?", Felix asked. Chan nodded slowly. „Why....do I always hurt other people? I wish I was normal...". Chan said. His voice was shaking. It was enough. He was feeling so guilty for his kink. He hated it. He fucking hated it. „I am sorry for treating you like shit, Felix". Kind words. Felix wanted to touch him so badly right now, feeling his warmth, wich was crawling on his own body. He want to feel his soft lips against his. Right now. Even if it means another shot in his heart. Felix leaned over and kissed Chan. Of course Chan was not okay with it. He was pulling Felix away. „Don't fucking kiss me, ever again!"

Chan isn't amused :') Not at all. Buuuuut dude, you get free kisses from Felix :( From your precious Lixie :((