Felixity (Chanlix FF, english)

-xXChapter 23Xx-

Chan couldn't sleep at all. Every try turned into failure. Even though Minho was silent forever, he still was beside Chan. He never left him and Chan felt bad. Bad because he wasn't a good boyfriend. Chan felt deep feelings of fault inside of him. So strong that he could feel how much it hurts. „I'm sorry, Minho". Chan said silently while resting his head on the pillow. „I'm sorry, I never loved you". He decided to write to Felix because he felt like talking to him. He needed him to get something else in his mind, because Felix had the ability to do it. Chan didn't know why but he was very thankful for it. He wrote him a message and waited for his respond. „I can't help you, sorry".

I can't help you because I fucking love you. I do. Felix starred at the screen with teary eye. He was near crying again. With Chan in his mind, he could cry all the time and he didn't held back the tears. Felix let them run on his cheek. He felt so broken, so unloved. Why does it hurt so much to love Chan? Why can't he just have him? Why is everything so fucking unfair? Felix didn't know why. He just heared the sounds of his own whimpering. Silent cries at night. „Can we videochat? I need somebody", Chan responded. Why does Chan always make it much worser than he already did? Felix didn't want to see his face again. It was too much pain. „Why me?", Felix responded. Chan has so many friends. Why of all sudden has it to be him? Chan knew Jisung the most. He was his best friend. He should help Chan. „Because you lost somebody, too." 

Felix didn't knew why he said yes at the end, maybe to fulfil the duties of a friendship or maybe just seing the beautiful face ofChan, even though it's the thing he wanted to avoid the most. The first thing Chan saw, after starting the videochan, was the big shiny brown eyes of Felix. They looked so sparkly and unreal and then he realized why they look like this. Felix cried. „Why did you cry?", Chan asked. Of course he would see it and ask. Felix was stupid enough to not wash his face before accepting the video call but still Chan would notice it. Why did he cried so badly and couldn't stop with it? Stupid little Felix. „It's just an allergic reaction. Don't worry". „C'mmon Felix, we knew both, it's the worst excuse ever. Tell me, what's wrong. I will try to help you. I promise. We're friends". Friends. Friends. Friends. Friends. How much Felix hated the word. How much he wanted to erase it. „Better not ask, please."

Chan didn't stop asking. Felix was his friend and seeing him cry hurts. He wanted to see a smile on the face of the blonde boy. Why didn't he trust him? Is it because he hurted him? But Chan said sorry. He really felt sorry for avoiding him for such a long time. Of course Felix wouldn't trust him anymore. Felix must feel so betrayed and hurt. He wanted to be his friend so badly and he even loved him. Felix was in love with him. Wait.....what if Felix had still some feelings for him and just lied? It was a thought out of the blue but Felix got always silent, when he talked about Minho. Other than his friends, he could sense Felix sadness but was too anxious to ask. He still feel bad because he has been such a bad friend to him, so he was too scared, to lose him, if he would ask him what's wrong. But now, seeing Felixc ry, he took the risk of crossing a line between them. He just wanted to know, if his theory was right and if so, he won't left him behind. He was a bad boyfriend for Minho but he wanted to be a good friend for felix.

„Hey Felix?....Do you still have feelings for me? I just wanted to make sure it's not the reason for your sadness." Felix had enough. Enough of hiding. If Chan wants the truth, he could have it. „And if so?", Felix responded. That's it. Felix was still in love with him. That's why his cheeks are sparkly with tears, his eyes so swolen and red. The reason why his lips are shaken. Chan didn't answered, unable to find other words besides the silence. „I still love you. Deeply and it hurts. It hurts so much, I'd rather be dead than feeling more of this feelings. I want to leave you behind, Chan but I am weak. I'm such a weakling when it comes to you. I can't stop crying. When does it end?"

Felix beautiful eyes were full of tears because he was the reason behind it. Just himself. Chan. Felix cried because he loved him so badly. Felix loves him so much. His tears are his own fault. His fault. Because he loves him. That's....really... beautiful and cute. Felix was cute and so his tears. His little tears wich were sparkling like diamonds. Chan's little diamonds. He could sense a warm feeling inside of him. Something he haven't felt that long. The last time he was feeling this warmth, he was looking on scars and bruises. His passion. Why did he felt like this? Felix was just crying and  he felt so....great. He felt loved. Because he knew Felix was so broken because of him.

Why did I made the confident killer Felix into a crying mess? BECAUSE OF THE LAST PART, kiddos :')) IT STARTS. FINALLY c: The next chapter is going to be fun :')) For Chan the most ;)) Thank you so much for 1K views btw :) <33