Chan felt awesome this day. He met Hyunjin and broke Felix's heart once more again. He was so tired that he went right to bed after coming home. After closing his eyes he felt into a deep sleep. In the end it wasn't that deep because hours later Chan woke up, having a weird feeling inside his heart. A worried one. He was worried of Felix. Why? Yes, he broke his heart a lot but Felix always stood up and facing him again, still loving him deeply. It was the usual thing but why was he worried so much about Felix then? Did he actually feel sorry for him? He didn't knew why but he felt like Felix needed him right now. Chan could hear his pounding heart wich was racing so fast because of the blonde boy. An unfamiliar feeling. Chan tried to identify if, but failed because he never felt this kind of feeling. Itwas more than worry. It felt like he needed to be on Felix's side at the moment and hugging him tightly, telling him that everything's going to be okay.
Could it be love?
His heart hurt in a different way than it usually does. Not because he couldn't find the right one but he missed Felix like crazy. So unbelievable much, that Chan wished he was laying next to him. Did something happen to Felix? Was he okay? Probably not. „Don't worry baby, I am here", Chan whispered, because he felt like saying it. It won't reach Felix's ear but Chan felt a bit better after it. Chan touched his chest, where his heart was racing so much of this unfamiliar feeling and of worry. The worry of Felix won't stop, it got more intense the way Chan was laying in bed and thinking of Felix.
Does love feel like this?
Chan grabbed his phone and unlocked it. He wanted to message to Felix. He wanted to know if everything was okay with him. Felix could be sleeping at the moment or crying, while cutting because of him. For the first time Chan didn't felt arousal in his veins while thinking Felix could hurt himself. He felt sad. Chan clicked the chat with Felix and saw the latest message Felix sent to him. „Would it be better to see me die?". Chan's heart broke.
If the feeling is love, why does it hurt so much?
He called him but Felix didn't respond. Chan felt so much pain in his heart because he missed Felix so much. He wanted to be next to him and made him smile. It was all his fault. Right from the beginning. Just him. Everytime Felix felt good, he crushed his happiness and turned his life into a terrible one. He was a monster. Yes, he was a monster and he never deserved Felix. Everything he deserved is to feel deep sorrow and worry. It was the only thing wich was filling his heart up. And this unfamiliar feeling.
„Please call me Felix...I am so sorry", Chan's voice broke. „I am sorry....I am sorry...", he repeated as if it could turn back time but time won't ever come back. It was too late. He was so worried about Felix that he couldn't breathe anymore and the selfhate was present. Chan hated himself for making everything so worse. For breaking Felix's little world into pieces.
And he realized the unfamiliarfeeling was love. He loved Felix.
And now Felix was in danger because of him
Chan spammed text messages to him, while he was calling him for multiple times but still Felix wasn't around. It was like he was dead. Chan won't ever apologize to himself for his actions.
He loved him so much.
And Chan never realized it. He was completely blind. The whole time. He didn't realized he already found the right one in Felix. Felix was the one, wich was always resting inside his heart and Chan always thought it was just pleasure when in reality it was love. How stupid and naive was he? He was hurting Felix so damn much. So much. Chan eyes felt teary. He never cried for another person but right now he felt like it. He wanted to cry over Felix because right now he knew he had lost him.
„Still not enough of hurting me? Goto sleep, shitface", Felix responded. Felix was alive. Chan sighed and whiped his tears away. Felix was still alive. However Chan still felt sad. He wanted to confess his true feelings to him. Not on the phone but face to face. He wanted to say Felix, how much he loved him. He wanted to cuddle him and kiss him softly and just forget the horrible past. It will work out. Yes, a future with Felix was not impossible. He will promise him to treat him nice and if he would ever hurt him again, he will hurt himself even more. Chan didn't want to hurt Felix anymore. He was too precious for all the pain and tears.
„Hey, do you want to meet me in the evening? At your home? Would it be possible to be alone with you? I need to talk to you. Don't worry...I won't break up with you...I still love you, you know? So tell me if you have time for your boyfriend. „Definetly. Good night my pretty boy. I am sorry for being an horrible person".
Happy april fools day :) Were you already sucsessful and if yes, how did you fooled somebody? I am curious 0: Also thank you for 2K Votes. You're the best <33. Okay, let's get back to the story. YES MOOD DROP. BOOM. Did you knew that Chan was loving Felix the whole time and didn't knew it? :') Probably not. To be honest this chapter happened in real to me. STORYTIME: You probably can remember the time when Chan got all the hate and deathwishes because of his hair. Everyone know he suffered in this time. I woke up at nighttime feeling exactly like Chan in this chapter and I was so damn worried about him :(
And maybe this story is also not fiction but reality?
YOU ARE READING
Felixity (Chanlix FF, english)
Fanfiction--- Felix loves Chan but Chan loves the idea of people getting hurt-- -- Side ships: Changsung and Minchan
