Felixity (Chanlix FF, english)

-xXChapter 27Xx-

„How many times should I have to tell you, there is no 'us' in a relationshipway?! How many times should I scream at you, to fucking forget about it?! I might be broken about Minho but that doesn't mean, you can make me feel better, because nobody ever loves me really. I just know it...so please stop it or you'll break yourself even more. I can read from your sad epxression that you feel terrible, am I right? But Felix, I can be there as your friend but nothing else. I don't want to hurt you and that's what I am always doing. I hurt people and you're just precious for me. I don't want to hurt you". 

Felix had enough. He was far beyond broken. He was just breathing, but not living. „You don't know...how much you already hurt me and I am so tired of it. I am so tired of loving you so much. I just want to tear my shitty heart outside and throw it to the ground so you can fucking disappear out of my life. Don't you think I was trying to do it? I DID IT THE WHOLE TIME, so don't fucking tell me what I should do because I am TRYING, Chan. I am really trying!" Felix was lost in his emotions and was just searching for a way out of this hell. Chan was hell not heaven. He never was heaven at all. „Why do you say all of those things? Nobody loves you? Do you kidding me? I love you, darling.I love you truly. How many times do I have to tell you it? How many times should I try to kiss you? Don't tell me sweet words and then throw me away. I am so tired about it".

And Felix started to cry.

Little wonderful tears were running over Felix beautiful cheeks. Chan heart started to pound fast as he saw how Felix was crying next to him. His body was tremebling so hard and other than being a good friend, he didn't hugged him and pressed him against his body, Chan was just watching how Felix released sparkly little tears with such a fascination, he was slowly get scared about. This was not a moment to enjoy it. It never was. Felix watched at him with such a painful expression that Chan felt a bit sad but besides it, his pleasure grew. He should go now and leave this pure boy behind. Felix didn't deserve to suffer but it didn't matter, because in the end he will hurt him anyways. Chan didn'tt know what to do. Felix leaned at his shoulder. Chan could feel his trembling small shoulder. „I am so tired of everything. Why do I love you so much?".

It was a question Chan could not answer. „Everything will be alright, baby". Chan couldn't help himself calling Felix baby again.  „Come here", Chan said gently and grabbed Felix's waist to pull him closer to him. Felix was still crying his heart out. More cute little tears. How much more beautiful Felix would be, if he was covered in pretty bruises and wonderful cuts. It would be the most beautiful thing in the world. He was so desperatly wanting to Felix in such a messed up way, that his heart started to race fast. „I am sorry, baby". Chan placed a gentle kiss on the soft hair of Felix. „Stop it...don't mess with me more....", Felix whimpered and tried to broke the hug, but Chan was hugging him too tightly.

„Do you know why I can't love you?

Felix started to calm himself down. Crying on Chans chest was medicine. Toxic medicine. „No....why?" Felix was curious. Chan had a secret. A secret of why he was probably like this cold. The answer of everything. Finally. Chan trusted him a lot. „It's better, if we're not talking it here. Too many people. Come to the restrooms with me, please, if you want to know the truth." Chan was scared and all of the pleassure he felt trough his veins is now gone. Chan pushed it back because it was unnessary. For this little talk with Felix he had to have a clear mind. A mind wich was not full of arousal. He needed to tell Felix about his kink. There was no way out. Hiding it will not help him. If he doesn't talk he will end up all alone and he didn't want to be alone. He wanted to be on Felix's side, even if it means to lose him after telling about his edgeplaykink. Chan took the risk because he wanted to be finally free of Minho.

The both boys stood up and walked to the restroom. On the way to the little room, Chan was so nervous, so anxious of Felix reaction. He was scared to lose him. Lucky for them, they were alone in the restroom. Chan tried to calm himself down but nothing helped. He felt like he was hunted down by fear. Felix stopped crying and put a serious expression on his face. Whatever it was, wich was resting in Chan's chest, he will hear it. No matter what. In the end he still loved him and it's not that he was innocent by himself, too. „Do you remember what I was talking about the thing with the hitting?", Chan said anxiously. „Of course. I couldn't forget about it". Felix was lost in Chans  scared brown eyes. „What if I tell you....I really mean it?"

Beautiful cliffhanger :D <33 Yes, Felix is still a crying mess :'D