„Who said I said killing?", Felix's father said. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Felix was so extremly nervous and anxious, he felt like this day was his last. His anger threw him on the ground and left him broken. Sorrow entered his body. Felix couldn't control his emotions again. He was afraid the truth will come out. He was so afraid about it. Wich fault was it? Wich person dragged him into this big mess? Bang Chan. It was his fault that Felix was so fucked up. It was always him, wich crushed his world down. If he wouldn't just love him, everything would be alright. He would have a better life without such a huge amount of pain.
Chan was the definition of pain.
„Do you want to know the truth?" „Yes, please". „Still remember Chan? The boy I love?" His father looked disgusted but it didn't matter. „Of course", he said. „Well...he was in love with Minho and it really hurted me. My heart was broken, so I wrote the note but it was a long time ago. I forgot to tear the note apart. In the end I regrettet it, because I became friends with Minho and he was really nice. I really liked him...and I was so sad about his dead....I feel so much anger and hate for myself, because I hated him once but now he is away. I am still thinking of him and it makes me so sad, that I can't think of something else. His dead broke me. I really miss him. I really do...and I am sorry, if I made you worry. I feel like verything is tearing me apart and I can't fix myself".
The more he lied, the easier it gets. If he has to living a lie, it would be okay. If it just means he could find peace but with Chan finding peace is a thing of impossible. „Oh Felix, we didnt knew, you're suffering so much because of Minho's dead. We're sorry". Just play the victim and everybody pities you. Felix was hoping the topic will have an end now. He felt like shit again. This wasn't a lie. He feels like nothing can't fix him. As long as he loves Chan he will be in this state. Felix was allowed to go to his room. He got a message from Chan. „From what?" Felix knew his love for Chan was the root of everything worse happened in his life. „From your love". And Chan was smiling. Felix was desperate again. „Hey, you wanna come here over? I could try to cheer you up". He will surely make Felix's mood much worser. He wanted to see him crying again and this time, he won't hold back. He will break the little beautiful boy into pieces. „Do you really want me to be with you?", was Felix repsonse. „Of course, I will tell you my adress. I'm looking forward for you." Felix knew where Chan lives, so this would be not a problem. He can be there in a bit and escape in his arms, even if it means to grow more feelings for him. Felix wanted to see Chan's smile, whiping his tears away and telling him, that everything is going to be okay. Just some empty words but beautiful empty words. Chan will make everything okay. He will fall in love with him and make him the most happy person in life. They will get together and they will kiss everyday and calling them nicknames. It's something Felix truly wishes and he will make it truth. But how when Chan was the reason why he feel so broken?
Felix rang at Chan's door. He knew he shared a flat with Jisung because Chan always wanted to life with his friends together. He said it in one of the many lunch break they spent together. Jisung's parents paid the rent for it, wich Chan was very thankful for. He really liked the Han family. He waited for Chan opening the door. Then he stood in front of him. Messy hair, oversized shirt. „Just come in. Jisung is on a date with Changbin and he won't come back by tomorrow. This means we're alone."Felix was inside of Chans flat. A place wich was always locked for him. Too many emptions are floating inside his body. Feeling of happiness and he forgot how much he suffered in the moment. Just seeing the place, in wich Chan was living in, made him smile. In every inch of the flat there was Chan. Even the smell of it was Chan. Felix's heart pounded faster. If he would be alone, he would discover every room. He wanted to see Chan's room so badly. Felix wanted to touch everything his love touched. He would grab Chans wored clothes and put them on and then masturbate on his bed, where Chan spend every night. It would be paradise. A moment of pure luck.
„Why are you standing there like you're in a museum?", Chan asked. „It's just...l-like I am finally....here....inside your....f-flat". It didn't matter if the stuttering made Felix's sentence more cute, it was a bit creepy, the more he thought of it. He remembered the picture of him in Felix's bed with all the dried cumstains on it. Felix was obsessed with him. Chan will have a fun time with messing with him. Felix would do everything for him, he was so attached to him, so hopelessly in love. Chan knew how breakable Felix's heart was, when it comes to him. Chan smiled. „Do you like it?" „Yes. Why haven't you been to school today?" Actually Chan felt dizzy this morning and couldn't leave the bed, but lying to Felix was more fun. „I wanted to avoid you." Chan watched how Felix mood dropped. It was so easy to make Felix sad. „Please forget what I told you in the restroom. I was very feeling horrible back then and I just needed somebody. I still don't want your love. I will never do, Felix. Even if I never loved Minho, it doesn't mean, you're the one, I would love. I hope someday it will stuck in your stupid head".
It starts again :')) The next chapters are going to be veeeeery awesome, I tell you ;) <33
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Felixity (Chanlix FF, english)
Fanfiction--- Felix loves Chan but Chan loves the idea of people getting hurt-- -- Side ships: Changsung and Minchan
