all for you

// twenty nine

a/n: ang ikli na ng pinagsusulat ko rito sksks sorry, minamadali ko na kasing tapusin to kasi exam szn is coming +++ nagkaka-writer's block na ulit ako huhu

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

Thea.
December 20th, time unknown.

"Balita ko, nakipag-closure ka na sa ex mo," sabi sa akin ni Lui habang nakaupo kami sa labas ng isang bar.

"Yup," sagot ko. "Just last week."

"So how did it feel?"

"Masaya, kasi nalaman ko yung totoong dahilan kung ba't siya umalis noon. At the same time, masakit, kasi we had to let each other go, for real. And for good."

"Does he know about us?"

"Yeah. I didn't have to tell him."

Nagkaroon ng panandaliang katahimikan bago ulit magsalita si Lui. "You know what, Thea, I admire you. Hindi ka talaga papayag na magtapos kayo nang hindi man lang kayo nalilinawan pareho."

"That's what I believe in. You really can't let go of something you don't really understand. At ngayong nagkaintindihan na kami, safe to say, we can go our separate ways now."

"So ano na'ng plano mo?" he asked.

"I don't know yet," I replied smugly. "Let me be honest with you, Lu. For now, gusto ko pang ituloy 'tong kalokohan natin. But since tapos na ang issue, and I bet Sky is gonna come back real soon, I don't know what exactly is gonna happen next."

"Bakit ka naman mag-aalala? You have me. And most probably, babalik lang 'yan lahat sa dati. You started as his fan, you're still just gonna be his fan in the endgame. It's not like he has actual feelings for you."

"You know what, may point ka. Alam naman na nila na hindi talaga kami because, guess what, it ain't gonna happen. Kahit ilang beses pa akong mag-ilusyon, kahit mabaog na ako kakahintay sa wala, he ain't gonna love me the way I wanted. I guess I gotta accept that. I'll just love him from afar."

"Speaking of, may concert sila sa 22. From what I read on the news, that's gonna be his comeback show na rin. You up? Willing akong samahan ka."

"Hindi ko pa alam, eh. I haven't gone to any of their events mula nang nawala siya sa eksena. Hindi sa pagiging biased, I'm just not used to seeing them incomplete."

"He will be returning to the group naman na from that day on."

I smirked. Nakakaramdam pa rin ako ng konting lungkot, pero kahit papaano, he cheered me up nung sinabi niya iyon.

He asked again. "Ano, game?"

"Pag-isipan ko. Hinihintay kong ayain ako ni Joanne, eh. Gusto niya kasi, ako yung kasama niya."

"Okay lang din naman. Ako na lang siguro maghahatid sa inyo."

"Wait, you have a car?"

"I do. Hindi ko lang dinadala sa work. Hassle mag-drive in heavy traffic. I only use it on weekends."

"Nice. Sure ka, ah, ihahatid mo kami?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm up. Pero tanong lang, are you coming with us to the actual show or ihahatid mo lang kami?"

"It's up to you if you want me there or not. Baka kasi strict sila sa ticketing."

"Oh, my other friend has an extra ticket pala! Muntik ko nang makalimutan, sorry. Ano, G?"

"Yeah! Anything for my girlfriend."

"You mean, your girlfriend kuno."

"Okay, okay. Let me correct that. Anything for my soon-to-be legit girlfriend?"

Natawa ako sa sinabi niya. "Seriously?"

"Bakit, ayaw mo ba?"

"Hindi naman. I just wasn't prepared. Saka I didn't plan this to be long-term."

He held my hand. "But I do."

"Bakit? Wala namang kasiguraduhan kung magiging tayo talaga, eh. Alam mo naman na set-up lang 'to, 'di ba? Once the rumors die down, we're done."

"I know. Pero let me be honest with you, Thea. Nilabag ko yung agreement natin. I fell in love with you the moment we started going out together. Noong first date natin sa Expo. Inaamin ko, mula noon, I felt that I wanted us to be real. I'm sorry."

Tinitigan ko siya at kinausap nang masinsinan. "Lu, you don't have to be apologetic kung 'yon talaga yung nararamdaman mo. Pero may deal pa rin tayo. We're dating, or at least pretending to, pero hanggang doon lang 'yon."

"Wala lang 'to sa'yo?"

"Pero pumayag ka?"

"Pumayag ako kasi mahal kita!"

"Mahal din naman kita," I tried to hold back my tears while saying those words. "But only as a best friend."

I can't believe I just said those words to someone who genuinely loved me. I can't believe I did that to him.

Tuluyan nang pumatak ang luha ko. Tumayo si Lui, iniabot ang panyo niya sa akin at sinabing, "Okay. Sige, tanggap ko. Tanggap ko na hanggang kaibigan na lang talaga ang tingin mo sa akin. Pero that will never change what I feel for you. Nandito lang ako palagi para samahan ka, para protektahan ka. Kahit pa hindi ako ang totoong mahal mo."

Pinunasan ko ang mga mata ko at niyakap siya. "I'm sorry, Lui."

"It's fine," he replied. "'Di ba sabi mo kani-kanina lang, you don't have to apologize for what you truly feel? It's okay. I'm here. Always."

"So, sasamahan mo pa rin ba ako sa makalawa, even after all this?"

"Yes. Para sa'yo. Gusto kitang makitang masaya ulit."