Amor

~Chapter 23~

Ever since I was a little girl, I've always loved bubble baths. Before the change in momma happened, she'd make sure I had extra bubbles in the tub cause she knew I loved to play with them as she washed my hair. I can remember going outside to play in the mud and getting it all over me just so I could take one.

It would also give momma and I some special time together since dad didn't like to wash me and Jay Jay would be in his room watching sports games. She'd sing to me lullabies in spanish and talk about the latest book she read. It was nice and contained some of my favorite memories with her.

But now as I sit in this tub full of warm water and very little bubbles, I just want to get out. As soon as we got home, Jesse rushed me into the nearest bathroom and started the water for me. I sat there on the counter as he ran in and out of the bathroom bringing things that I needed to get clean all while muttering to himself. When the water was at a sufficient level he turned it off and told me to undress and get in so I did. My legs are shaky and the pain in my area down there is just the worst.

Taking off the few clothes I had on, I avoided looking at my underwear cause I knew there'd be blood. Once in the tub, my brother said he needed to do something but he'd be back in a couple minutes. It's been 15 minutes since he said that yet he hasn't come back for me. Sitting with my legs to my chest and resting my chin on my knees, I hug myself in a fetal position.

Being in too much of a shock before, I hadn't processed that I was robbed of my first kiss and now my virginity from people who didn't deserve them. Those two valuable things that should've been my decision to give away, were taken from me and I can't get them back. I was used in every possible way that could happen. My mother abused me, papa hurt me, Kole touched me, and that man...

"Wh-why?" I stutter to myself and the overwhelming feeling of pain courses through me as I cry. Hugging myself tighter to keep out the evil of the world, I didn't hear Jesse come in.

"Oh Sophie" his footsteps come up beside me and I feel his large hand touch the top of my head then down to my bare back. Refusing to meet his eyes, I hide my face further still sobbing uncontrollably. His touch leaves for a moment but returns soon after, this time wrapping a big towel around me.

"C'mon sweetheart, let's get you out of here" I cover myself up in the front and he lifts me out of the tub bridally like before. I'm taken up to my room where he's laid out grey sweatpants and one of his high school sports hoodies that he let me have. Jesse sits me down on the edge of my bed and grabs the extra towel he brought with us to dry my hair for me.

"I called the police while you were in the bath. They'll be here soon to ask you what happened tonight. Now, I know that neither of us are in the right head space but we need to be strong so we can catch the person who did this to you. Can you be strong with me sweetheart?" He speaks softly while wiping away water droplets from my face.

Silently I nod and he leans over to kiss my cheek. "Get dressed and I'll be right out the door" Jesse stands and leaves my room. I can tell he's walking on eggshells around me, not knowing how to treat me and doesn't really know what to say. I don't blame him. This isn't a situation people can just prepare for when the time comes and you can't expect people to know what to do. My poor brother probably thinks if he even slightly mentions what happened to me, that I'll get angry or upset with him.

I'm not helping his case by not speaking but being completely honest, I'm not sure what i should be doing. Do i pretend like it never happened? Should I hide in my room for days just sobbing? Do I forgive and forget what that man did? I wish someone could give me an answer so I can just move on with my life and bury this memory deep down to diminish slowly over time.

Not wanting him to wait forever, I get dressed in the warm clothes he left me and put on fuzzy socks before going to my door. As promised, he's on the other side and both of our sad eyes connect as we face each other. Looking at him right now I don't even care how my body is feeling or the hurt my heart is in, I only want to make him feel better. I ache to see him smile and laugh as we joke about nonsense while sitting on the couch watching a comedy film and stuff our faces with junk. I want to see him confidently playing a sport he loves while I cheer him on or even just cooking in the kitchen with music playing as I observe happily.