Amor

~Chapter 52~

The quiet hum of chatter in the room flooded me with comfort as I walked through the oak wood aisles, in search of a treasured memory.

Being the product of a restless night, my eyes struggled to adjust to the newly fixed lights that hang on the ceiling. I didn't bother to look in the mirror this morning as I got dressed, but I'm sure the bags under my eyes were prominent to anyone who glanced my way.

It had been a rough twenty-four hours filled with tears and tiring conversations. And I would've stayed home today, as per Jesse's suggestion, but I felt that what I wanted most would be amongst these four walls. There was something important I needed to see.

Keeping my eyes trained forward and hand gripping the strap of my school bag, I follow through the row titled 'classic literature' and soon come up on my intended destination. Already, I felt a heavy weight pressing down on my shoulders as I recall the last time I had come to this very spot. It'd been a mere few months in reality, but for me, it felt like lifetimes ago.

Even as I took in my surroundings, I could clearly tell that nothing was different about the familiar bookshelves, but something felt... off. Appearance-wise nothing had changed, the books stayed just as they were when I first came here and the librarian had kept them in a neat clean order.

It looked the same, giving off the illusion that everything had remained as it should have during all this time. But that would be a lie. In truth, soo much was different; so much had happened.

Hesitantly, I lift my hand to touch the spine of a certain book that I borrowed a while ago. It was worn to the touch from years of being held by a vast number of people, but it was still beautiful. The sinking feeling in my gut became overwhelming just then and I sighed, dropping my hand and taking a small step back to collect myself.

The calming silence of the school library helped in keeping me calm through the inner turmoil going on inside my head. There were too many thoughts to sort through and I had so little energy to entertain any of them, so I did the one thing I knew best. Taking deep breaths.

Sitting on the carpeted floor with my back leaning gently against the bookshelf, I tilt my head upwards to face the ceiling and slowly shut my sore eyes. I'm not sure why, but breathing had become much easier these past two months. It's not like I had taken up a new strategy or consulted my therapist on ways I can improve, it sort of just showed out of nowhere.

I always breathed the same, but it wasn't until now that I truly felt the air that coursed in my lungs.

When I walked into the building earlier, there weren't that many students around which makes sense since we've only just begun the semester and nobody feels the need to spend a lot of time studying yet, but it still felt strange to see it so empty. Despite that, I was glad that no one would bother me here.

Rarely anyone comes to the back of the library because these books aren't as popular with those my age. Truly a blessing in disguise.

Too focused on how relaxed I felt sitting here, I didn't realize the light footsteps coming this way and pausing beside me. How stupid of me to jinx myself just when I finally found some peace and quiet. I was going to ignore whoever it was who stood there, figuring it was a random student who was curious as to why a girl sat on the floor, but then a warm voice spoke.

"I figured I'd find you here."

Opening my eyes, I'm met with beautiful caramel irises looking down at me with a soft smile. I know I just saw him late last night after he got home, but watching him now felt like seeing him for the first time all over again. He was breathtaking.

Doubting my ability to lie, I still chose to excuse my reason for being here. I didn't want to worry him more than I already had yesterday with not answering the texts I promised to be punctual with, and for the trouble I got myself into with my mother.