To Give In

Kabanata 40- Reminiscence

Kabanata 40

Halos ihampas ko ang ulo ko sa manibela ng kotse ni Spencer. Paulit-ulit kong tinext si Miguel kung nasaan siya. Wala kahit isang reply.

My mother is not calling. Ibig sabihin wala pa silang alam sa nangyayari. Tito Nicholas is inside of this building. He probably doesn't know anything yet.

I swallowed hard and think of a place he might be in.

A place suddenly entered my mind.

Huminga ako ng malalim at nasimula ng mag-drive.

Naging mahaba ang biyahe ko. Hindi ko akalain na ganito ang pakiramdam ng mga diver lalo na kung mahaba ang biyahe. My hands are cramping.

I stopped the car. Mabilis akong bumaba ng kotse habang pinagmamasdan ang resthouse ni Miguel at ang paborito naming beach.

Gusto kong mag-mura ng nakakandado ang parte ng chain link-fence na nagsisilbing daan para makapasok.

Kumapit ako 'ron at tinulak. I even kicked the damn fence.

It's frustrating me.

Nagtagal ako 'ron. Binuhos ko lahat ng galit, inis at luha ko. I cannot think of any place anymore.

Binunot ko ang cellphone ko sa bulsa and i tried to call Miguel pero hindi siya sumagot.

Huminga akong muli.

Pumasok ako sa kotse ni Spencer.

I cursed myself and I groaned.

Dalawa ang maaring mawala sa akin kapag hindi ko nahanap si Miguel. Siya at ang mga anak namin.

It's as if, it's a test that Miguel have set for me to prove something.

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa manibela at dumako ang tingin ko sa aking palasingsingan na daliri.

I started the engine and drive to the potential place.

Iyon ang pinaka-huling lugar na tingin kong gusto ni Miguel na puntahan ko. He wanted me to go back there and pick his broken pieces with me.

I stopped the car when I reached it. Nag-park ako sa parking lot at tinanaw ang labas ng cafe.

Huminga ako malalim at lumabas kasama ang susi ng kotse. Kinuyom ko ang aking kamay.

Naglakad ako at pumasok sa main door. Pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang loob ng cafe. There are customers on theirs seats and tables. They are calm, chatting and very peaceful on their seats. While me, I cannot even feel my legs when my eyes stopped at Miguel.

My tears started to form.

Miguel is sitting on the same chair. To the same spot. He is in his same outfit as before. Black polo shirt na naka-tuck in sa kaniyang faded jeans at boots.

Nakatanaw lang siya sa akin.

I slowly walked towards him. May dalawang baso sa lamesa pero may kaunting laman iyon at alam kong milkshake ang laman non kanina. I bit my lips as I suppress my tears.

"What are you doing, Miguel?" I whispered to myself.

Mabilis ang paghinga ko hanggang makalapit sakaniya.

He's just watching me. He glanced at the chair. Kung saan ako naka-upo noon.

There are people around looking  at us. Ngunit hindi ko alintana iyon.

Dahan-dahan akong umupo.

Nagulat ako ng tumayo siya. He turned his back and walked out the cafe. Naiwan akong natitigilan.